Classic Broads R.I.P.

Many, many moons ago, I used to write the Classic Broad of the Month column here on the Planet. It was a pretty simple concept, really--I'd showcase some chick I used to have the hots for back in the 80's and talk about how I wanted to bang her silly (with some nice PG-13 type pics thrown in the mix). I wrote it for like a year or so before I quit doing it. Well, technically, I didn't actually quit... it's more like I dropped out for a few months, and then Dean ended up replacing me with some guy who was a fan of the column, Da Brettman. I guess Dean "fired" me, or whatever. Or maybe he thought I just drank myself to death. As to why that Brett dude quit writing it, who knows? Who cares? The guy used to rip me off something fierce, anyway. It's not that he didn't do a decent job at the column, he just should have made it his own, as opposed to copping my style. When he took over, I'll bet most of you didn't even notice. Shit, I'm not even that great of a writer... if you're gonna rip somebody off, pick somebody good.

The thing is, I'm still getting Classic Broad nominations on a fairly regular basis. Hell, I just got one earlier tonight;

Date: Wed, 27 Jul 2005
17:27:37 -0700 (PDT)
From: "knichols" knichols007@yahoo.com
Subject: broads
To: goodnight_tonight@yahoo.com

I loved reading this. I loved the final decision to always want them no matter how old they are. may I make a suggestion? How about adding sussanne pleshette(sp?) selma hayek....dolly parton of course. Great pics

He (at least I'm assuming this is from a "he") is right about one thing... no matter what the broad looks like nowadays, I always said I'd bang them anyway. Why the hell not? I am, in all actuality, somewhat starved for female affection. The problem is, I'm fucked in the head. I'm so damaged. And the only woman I want to be with is in a domestic situation with another guy. She says she'd like to be with me too, if circumstances were different. But I'm not worth the risk for her, which is somewhat sobering even for a lush like me. I guess I don't blame her, though; I wouldn't take a risk on me, either, if I were her. Why do you think I write so much for this site? It's not like I'm getting paid to do this. It keeps me from thinking about her, that's why. See that? And you guys wonder why I seem so cranky all the time.

Anyway, knock off the Classic Broad requests. I'm not doing that shit anymore. But if any of you guys (or chicks) out there want to take a crack at it, be my guest. Just make it your own. You know how to get a hold of us if you're up for the challenge...