Horny Losers

Just a quick note to all of you horny, pathetic, lovesick assholes who keep writing to me...

I AM NOT MELISSA MIDWEST!!!

Jesus Christ, some of you are fucking losers. Some months ago, Dean asked me to interview this webcam chick named Melissa Midwest. (http://deansplanet.com/jeremy_the_loner_melissa_midwest.html) I'd never heard of her before, but I agreed to do it after I visited her site, saw some pics of her, and felt an involuntary stir in my nether regions. The girl is hot, after all.

That's all fine and good, but ever since that day I've been flooded with e-mail from lonely pricks with no lives, who either

a) Think that my e-mail address is a direct link to Melissa, or

b) Think that I can forward e-mail to her, or get them a free password for her site.

At first, I just deleted this bullshit. Then, I started writing back with sarcastic, mean spirited responses. I finally got SO FUCKING SICK of these morons bugging me, I started posing as Melissa and took great delight in fucking with them. So... for those of you that got an AIM screen name from me that you thought was Melissa's... SURPRISE, you were talking to me! If I wanted to be a real prick, I'd post those IM conversations and pathetic love letters that some of you wrote...

But I won't do that, unless I snap--which, knowing me, is entirely possible. Don't say you weren't warned, you stupid, lonely fucktards. If you want to get to Melissa Midwest that badly, buy a fucking membership to her site, you cheap assholes.