I Won't Stand In Your Way

I was watching TV the other night and I caught one of those new commercials for Mike's Hard Lemonade. (You know, the commercials where the empty bottle tries to pick up women and all that shit.) I'm not a huge fan of Mike's--yeah, they taste pretty good, but they aren't gonna get the job done for someone like me. A friend of mine (who isn't even a drinker) once downed a 12 pack of Mike's in a single sitting and didn't get so much as a buzz from it. Fuck that shit. I'm sure I could drink twice as many and still not get drunk-- I'd get crippling stomach cramps instead.

I couldn't help but notice that the website for Mike's Lemonade is www.MikesHard.com.
What the hell is up with that? Mike's hard??? Good for him, but I really didn't need that much information. I refuse to even visit that website on principle alone. Imagine one of your buddies coming over and seeing that site on your "favorites" list. You'd have a lot of 'splaining to do...

I could have gone to the bar last night, but I didn't have the cash to blow. Besides, I was still hung over, and I never really subscribed to that "hair of the dog" theory. So, this Saturday was just like last Saturday; no drinking and no women. It truly sucks to be me. The only chicks that proposition me these days are 15 year old girls who send me flirtatious IMs. Or maybe they're people who are just posing as 15 year old girls, trying to see if I'm a perv or not. All I can say is this--where were all the horny teenage girls when I was a teenager myself???

I don't understand women. I have no idea what they want from me. I guess that's why I woke up this morning with an old Stray Cats tune in my head;

I got a low, down dirty feeling
That I've been cheated on, and lied to
If it's so then it's wrong,
We've hung on for so long
Why don't we have that magic anymore?

I got a strange, sneaking suspicion
That it's been going on for some time now
Something shines in your eyes, something stirs deep inside
I won't stand in your way anymore

You said that I'm just a little guy
Who's easily led astray
Well aren't you that same little girl
Who always gets her way?

I got a strange, sneaking suspicion
That it's been going on for some time now
Something shines in your eyes, something stirs deep inside
I won't stand in your way
I won't stand in your way

I won't stand in your way anymore.