The Avatar To Your Right...

... is actually a picture of me. It's not a recent picture, of course, but it's me--and it probably marks one of the last times anybody was allowed to take my picture without being threatened with bodily harm. Much like my mother, I'm definitely NOT photogenic. I saw mom's driver's license one time, and the picture gave me nightmares for two weeks. She's not an unattractive woman, but that picture.... DAMN. She's staring at the camera with a grimace of death on her face. But then again, waiting in line for several hours at the Secretary of State's office is enough to put a scowl on ANYBODY'S face...

You have to admit, though, I was a cute little sonufabitch, wasn't I? The funny thing is, I still somewhat resemble that little boy--at the very least, my hair looks exactly the same. Unfortunately, I'm no longer cute... not by a lo-o-o-o-ong shot. It's pretty bad when you hit your physical peak at the age of two. The funny thing is, I got an IM from some chick asking me if the picture was my son. HA HA, not quite. No, that would imply that I actually get laid now and then.

Which I do, of course. Absolutely. Only losers never get laid.

****LONG, UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE****

Anyway, here's further evidence for the "I-told-you-nobody-reads-this-stupid-blog" department--yet another Classic Broad nomination, which came in last night;


Date: Sat, 6 Aug 2005 13:14:35 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Andrew Gardner" andrew.gardner@sbcglobal.net
Subject: Classic Broad of the Month
To: goodnight_tonight@yahoo.com

Great site.

Why no Catherine Zeta Jones?

Consider her nominated.
AG, Chicago

Catherine Zeta Jones as a Classic Broad? Is this guy on crack??? She's only a few years older than I am! Besides, like I said last week, I'm not doing that column anymore. I can't help but wonder if someone else is willing to take up the mantle and carry it on.

Come on, there's got to be some horny guys out there who are also decent writers...