Antisocial

Every now and then, I wish I could be more like other people.

The people I work with think I'm strange. For some odd reason, they always go out together on their nights off, even though they have to look at each other all day during the week. I'm not sure I understand that. One of them is having a birthday party this weekend, so they're all giddy about that. Another one has been telling everyone she made Jello shots, so everyone should stop by and have some. Jello shots? Puh-leeze. A real man can swig his liquor directly from the bottle.

They used to invite me along on these things (sometimes), but they stopped doing that some time ago. They'd come up to me and say "Hey, Jeremy, we're going dancing at the club tonight. Do you want to come?" I suppose it was nice of them to offer, but I'd invariably respond by saying something like "Dancing? Are you fucking kidding me? Do I look like a guy who would go out dancing??" I wasn't trying to be a prick, but I can't dance and I'd look ridiculous at some lame ass "club." Those places are pick-up joints, so I wouldn't have a very good time. Shit, I couldn't even pick up a cold at a place like that. When I go out, women pretend like they don't see me.

I used to be somewhat social, but I guess that was before life beat me down into a pulp. These days, the people at work (who obviously don't know me very well) describe me as "quiet" and "shy." I told one guy that I liked to do karaoke and perform on stage and he said he couldn't imagine me getting up in front of people.
And that was kind of weird, because I've been performing on stage since I was 9 years old. Just another one of those contradictions in my life--I hate people, but I love to entertain them. I love women, but I go out of my way not to talk to them. I crave attention, but I also fear it...

Holy shit, am I fucked in the head.