Halloween Blues

I used to love this time of the year.

I loved it as the nights grew colder, the trees grew bare, and pumpkins started popping up all over the place. There was a time when the most important worry me and my friends had every October was "What are you going to be for Halloween?" Ahhh, the simple pleasures of childhood. As much as it may surprise some of you, I used to love Christmas, too--before it became such a collosal pain in the ass.
But much like last year, I'm feeling my age again. If it weren't for the leaves changing colors on the trees, I wouldn't even know it was almost Halloween. And I'm sure I'll spend the 31st holed up alone in my room, thinking my dark, enigmatic thoughts--again, just like last year.

A friend of mine is having a party tomorrow night. I was actually thinking about going, but I don't have a date and I DO have to work until 8:30pm. I was going to throw a party earlier this month, but I couldn't do it because I couldn't get off from work. (Stupid damn job.) So my friends might be pissed at me, who knows? Besides, the past few weeks I've gone back into "isolation mode," so I really haven't talked to anybody, including most of my friends and my entire family.

I have been writing, though--the only thing is, it has nothing to do with Dean's Planet or this blog. But it's something that I have to get out of my system, otherwise I'll never get over "what's her name." She didn't really give a shit about me anyway, and on top of that, she used me. I'm such a lovesick asshole, it's pathetic.

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing, where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute, why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

Jesus... I wish I could just forget about that chick and get on with my stupid life. And you know, the funny thing is, I'm not totally without prospects. I think my co-workers are trying to set me up with a girl I work with, and she's taken to flirting with me and leaving little notes on the windshield of my "unregistered shitheap" of a car. She even bought me lunch last week. AND... for some odd reason... a select few of my female readers seem to think I'm a misunderstood, lost puppy that needs nurturing. Some of them actually dig my self-effacing ways. Witness this recent e-mail I received;

Jeremy,

My name is Karalee i'm 26,i just want to tell you how fucking refreshing it is to have somebody tell it how it is and not put on a front. i dont know i might be grasping for straws here but everything you had to say put a smile on my face or just made me laugh in sheer happiness of how straight forward you seem to be. well anyway if you want to talk and get to know me my e-mail is xxxxxxxx.com. p.s. i couldnt believe that your favorite movies were mine as well

I get e-mail like this more often than you'd think. I guess it's kind of flattering, but I'm smart enough to know that it means absolutely nothing. Even if she WAS the perfect girl for me (assuming there is such a thing), she probably lives 6000 miles away--so what difference does it make? You'll notice I didn't post her e-mail address... it's because I don't want her friends finding out and ripping on her for writing to "Jeremy the Loner." And yes, I don't put on a front and I freely talk about what a loser I am. Would any woman REALLY want that in a man?

I doubt it.

Bah. I'm blue. Drop me an e-mail, people. Let me know you're out there.

goodnight_tonight@yahoo.com