It's Valentine's Day...

... so it must be time for a massacre. We'll start with all of you spineless pussies that plan on stopping at Rite Aid on the way home from work today, so can buy your woman a cheap box of chocolates and a card that you won't even bother to read before buying it. It's amazing the things guys will do to avoid being bitched at, even going so far as to figuratively neuter themselves.

Now, I know what a lot of you are thinking--"Oooooh, what a rebel, talking shit about Valentine's Day like every other lonely, cynical prick on the planet!" And I will admit, it's become a "cool" thing to slam what many deem the "Hallmark Holidays." Especially when you're like me, a loser that doesn't even have a woman to bitch at him in the first place. So of course I would be bitter about it, right? I'm just jealous, because at least those "pussies" I referred to earlier won't be going to bed alone tonight like I will.

Well, let me set you all straight... I'm not jealous of you. I might indeed live in hell, but it's a hell I created for myself. I'm miserable, yes--but at least it's on my own terms. And I would be even more miserable if I felt guilted into buying a bunch of bullshit for my woman just because everybody else says I should. You might as well surrender your nutsack right now if you live your life that way. I know that a lot of guys would literally be afraid to come home tonight without presents for their significant other. For women, however, buying presents for their men today is considered "optional." Fuck that noise. I'd rather be lonely for the rest of my life before I put up with that bullshit. And what's the point of buying flowers, anyway? Flowers are only going to wither and die, just like your relationship eventually will. Statistics don't lie, my friends.

Happy Fucking Valentine's Day.