Happy Fucking Birthday to Me

This morning, at exactly 4:08am, I turned 32 years old.


I was able to mark the occasion just as it happened; indeed, I recall looking at my alarm clock when the exact minute arrived. I wish I could say this was done by design, as a way to reflect on the years gone by in an almost spiritual manner. I wish I could say this, but the fact is, yet again, I couldn't fucking get to sleep to save my life. This is starting to drive me crazy. Just how long can I go on being completely sleep deprived, anyway?? I've thought about downing Nyquil or maybe taking some sleeping pills--but that shit can be habit-forming, and I have enough monkeys on my back as it is...

So, when I finally decided to give up and get out of bed this morning, I was pleased to find birthday greetings awaiting me. From my mom, you ask? Friends? Family? Nope, my first birthday greeting of the day came from one of my cats, who was nice enough to puke all over my bedroom floor. I damn near stepped right in it, but hey, it's the thought that counts, right? I also received a birthday greeting from none other than Eharmony.com. Remember them? I filled out a "personality profile" with them months and months ago, and they've been on my ass to join ever since. I'll say this for those assholes, at least they're persistent.

To be fair, I should also point out that my Russian fan Julia also sent me a nice e-mail as well. It's so nice, in fact, that I'm going to post it. I think I needed to read something like this today;

From: "Julia Tovmasyan" julia-tovmasyan@yandex.ru
To: "Jeremy The Loner" goodnight_tonight@yahoo.com
Subject: Happy Birthday!!!
Date: Mon, 10 Apr 2006 17:24:39 +0400

So, how do you like being 32? Never tried it yet. Well, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY AMERICAN FRIEND!!! In Russia we wish people on birthdays happiness and health. The rest things and desires can be bought. Some of us are very spoilt, you know.
You sounded a bit sad in your articles. You shouldn't be! You are SOOOO talanted and bright. I don't know you personally but I'm sure you are just a great guy with a wonderful sense of humor.
In your blog you write about the show you lead. I didn't find info about it. Tell me what kind of show is it? I'm really very interested in everything you do. Your life is so interesting! I'm sure a lot of people are proud of being your friends, Jeremy. If you give me your tel. number I will call you to wish you happiness and health personally.
Julia.

This girl is a sweetheart, isn't she? I mean, my life is "so interesting?" That's funny. In all actuality, my life is a complete mess, but at least some people find it entertaining. Thanks for the offer for the phone call, Julia, but that's not necessary. Besides, I understand country to country calling can be a bit pricey. Thank you, though, for the birthday wishes. You sound really nice. It's too bad you live about four trillion miles away from me. But isn't that just how my life goes? The women that find me fascinating are always out of my reach; ditto for the ones that fascinate me. Happy birthday to me.

So, in case any of you were wondering what I was planning on doing to celebrate this BIG EVENT, I'll tell you... there was a mini keg of Heineken left over from the cast party the other night, and my friend Marc knew exactly who to give it to. I plan on tapping that baby later on tonight. All by myself, of course.