Cinco de Mayo?

Until I saw a little sombrero logo on Yahoo, I had no idea that today was that Mexican holiday Cinco de Mayo. "It's the fifth of May... already?" I pondered to myself as I scratched the early morning stubble on my face. These days, I'm lucky if I even know what the fucking month is, you know?

I must say, though, the Mexican community has been on my shit list for the past few months. My last part time job was literally crawling with Mexicans, most of whom couldn't (or wouldn't) speak a word of English to anybody. They'd also come and go as they pleased, talk shit about the few unfortunate white people who worked there, and basically do their best to live up to the "lazy Mexican" stereotype. They tried talking shit about me, too, and since they were speaking Spanish they assumed I had no idea of what they were saying. But they were wrong, the dumb fucks--I took several years of Spanish when I was in school, and while I'm far from fluent, I could at least get by if I were thrown into a Spanish-speaking country. So I finally got sick of it, tapped one of them on the shoulder, smiled and said, "Entiendo lo que usted está diciendo, asshole." (Which translates into "I understand what you are saying, asshole.") It's the first time I ever saw a Mexican turn as white as a sheet. And he had good cause to be scared... I could have snapped that little bastard like a twig. The only saving grace of that shithole was Maria, a cute Mexican girl that became a good friend of mine whom I still keep in touch with. But, getting back to my diatribe;

How about last week, with those illegal immigrants taking to the streets to protest their "rights?" Um... okay... the last time I checked, when you're in a country illegally you have no fucking rights. What balls these dickheads have! What do you think would happen to me if I sneaked over into Mexico, took to the streets and started trumpeting about my "rights?" I'd be as dead as a doornail, that's what would happen. But it wouldn't happen, though--mostly because no American in their right mind would ever defect to Mexico, unless they were fleeing the American justice system. Call it racist if you want, but it's true. What can I say? I'm in a bad mood today, so fucking deal with it.

Happy Cinco de Mayo, motherfuckers.