One Year Gone

It was one year ago that my Papa died, but for me the mourning continues. I remember getting the bad news last June and just going numb with grief--not so much because he was gone, it was more about the fact that I'd never see him again. Oh sure, people will tell you things like, "You'll see him in heaven someday." But will I? Papa didn't even believe in God, and me, I'm not liking my chances of making it through the pearly gates if I were to die tomorrow. When Papa was on his death bed, my aunt had a priest come in and give him Last Rites, due to his Catholic upbringing. Papa wasn't even aware of what was going on, which was a good thing; indeed, my aunt told the priest flat out, "If he were awake right now, he'd throw your ass right out of here." That was my Papa. He had his own ideas about things, and NOBODY was going to tell him otherwise.

I miss him so much. I remember sitting in this very chair last June with tears streaming down my face as I wrote out my tribute to him. I still have a hard time accepting that he's gone. Ultimately, a man's life is made up of millions of little moments... yes, there are the big ones too, like the day you get married, the day your kids are born, the day you graduate school... but these moments are few and far between, and they don't represent the overall tapestry of your life. It's these little moments with Papa that I remember best; you know, just sitting with him and talking, making him laugh, listening to him tell me his stories. And that's what I miss most about him. I'll never meet anyone like him for the rest of my life.

Here's to you, Papa, wherever you are. I'd give anything to have you back here with us.

A Tribute To Papa.

"This used to be my playground
This used to be my childhood dream
This used to be the place I ran to
Whenever I was in need
Of a friend
Why did it have to end
And why do they always say

Don't look back
Keep your head held high
Don't ask them why
Because life is short
And before you know
You're feeling old
And your heart is breaking
Don't hold on to the past
Well that's too much to ask

This used to be my playground
This used to be my childhood dream
This used to be the place I ran to
Whenever I was in need
Of a friend
Why did it have to end
And why do they always say

No regrets
But I wish that you
Were here with me
Well then, there's hope yet
I can see your face
In our secret place
You're not just a memory
Say goodbye to yesterday
Those are words I'll never say

This used to be my playground
This used to be our pride and joy
This used to be the place we ran to
That no one in the world could dare destroy

This used to be our playground
This used to be our childhood dream
This used to be the place we ran to
The best things in life are always free
Wishing you were here with me."