Congratulations Marc and Cindie

Special congratulations are due for my friend Marc, whose wife Cindie gave birth to their first child yesterday, a girl they named Madalyn Lorraine Walentowicz. Wow. I've known Marc for a number of years, and this is some pretty heavy shit. Five years ago, this guy could barely tie his shoes without fucking it up; now he's a responsible husband and parent. When I consider things like that, it gets me to thinking that maybe one day I could settle down and get married. Maybe I could start a family myself someday... but then I get my head out of my ass and think, "Start a family? You can't even keep your Sea-Monkeys alive, you drunken schlub!" Besides, I like the fact that people just assume they can't count on me for anything. (Puts a lot less pressure on me, you know?) I can't imagine being the father to a baby, having it look up and me and say, "Daddy," knowing that its entire life is in my hands. I have enough trouble running my own life, thank you very much. No sense in me fucking up somebody else's.

I think Marc is up for this, though, and I'm happy for him. Congratulations to the entire Walentowicz clan. And as for Marc, I say this; say goodbye to the life you once knew and say hello to fatherhood. I think you'll do just fine, buddy. A hell of a lot better than I would, anyway...