Teach Your Children Well

So, I'm coming back from the grocery store today, carrying bags loaded with healthy, manly things like beer and peanuts. Unfortunately, I happened to be walking into the apartment complex just as a school bus was dropping off a shitload of kids. These were young kids, in the age range of 5 to 10, and they all eyed me warily. One little girl (who looked to be in the first grade or so) was heading in the same direction as I was, and her parents must have warned her to steer clear of big, ugly, strange men such as myself. Good for them. Indeed, as soon as she noticed that our paths were about to intersect, she got a panicked look on her face and hauled ass down the sidewalk. It's not like I was giving her the evil eye or anything. In fact, I acted the same way around her that I always act around kids, which is to say that I completely ignored her.


She ran about twenty paces or so, and then looked over her shoulder to see if I was still coming. When she saw I was, she took off running again. I had to really strain to keep from busting out laughing and calling out something like, "Hey, kid, wanna see my magic puppet???" Sure, it would have been pretty funny, but I didn't want to have to explain to the cops later on that I was just making a joke and I'm not a child molester or kidnapper.

There's really no reason for me to share this story, other than to point out that I'm happy that I haven't lost my ability to terrify children on sight. May I never lose this beautiful gift...