ARRRGHHH!!!

So, I got one of those Scrubbing Bubbles "automatic shower cleaner" contraptions for the bathroom. The thing had been lying around in the box for almost two months because I was too lazy to bother taking three minutes to install it. "Why not just buy a cheap bottle of Clean Shower," you ask? I don't know, I suppose I'm stupid. Besides, I had a sinking feeling that MY shower was too far gone for any cleaner to handle. The fucking tub is always backing up, clogged with hair, soap scum and God knows what else. I have to pour Drano down that mofo at least twice a month; and I'm not talking about that pansy ass, wimpy shit either. I'm talking about the heavy duty industrial shit that nearly dissolves the pipes because it's so strong. If you so much as took a sip of this shit, you'd find yourself minus your esophagus in mere seconds.

Anyway, you hang this thing from the shower nozzle and it has a big container of cleaner attached to a base with a blue button on it. When you press the button, it gives you a warning beep which is a five second warning to get the fuck out of dodge. I should have heeded said warning beep. I didn't, but I'll get to that in a minute...

I've been using this thing all week without really knowing what it does. I know it sprays cleaner all over the shower and it makes a lot of noise... but it also lasts only a few seconds, so I got to wondering, "What the hell is it doing?" This morning, my curiousity got the best of me and I decided that I just HAD to see the fancy shower cleaner in action. I pressed the button and opened the curtain just a tiny bit.... maybe an inch at the most.... so I could see what it does. Seconds later, the thing came to life and IMMEDIATELY blasted a stream of cleaning fluid directly into my face. It was in my mouth, my nose and worst of all, my goddamn eyes. I bellowed in fear and disgust as I staggered back from the shower, smiling little scrubbing bubbles dancing across my corneas. Holy shit, did that sting. I'm a fucking idiot.

And a VERY good morning to y'all.