Constant Christmas Music Is Hammering Away At My Will To Live
Arrrrraaaagggghhhhhh!!!
This has been going on since the middle of November; The music service at work suddenly decided to switch over from the bland, pleasantly non-offensive soft rock they normally play to Christmas music... and I mean NOTHING but Christmas music... all fucking day. I'm about ready to start savagely tearing people's throats out with my teeth.
There are what, approximately 40 trillion Christmas songs in the world, right? And of ALL these fucking odes to rampant consumerism and greed, I like maybe five of them. I dig McCartney's Wonderful Christmastime, for example. And you can't go wrong with Lennon's Happy X-Mas (War Is Over) either. But if I have to hear another shitty version of A Very Special Christmas or Baby, It's Cold Outside, I'm going to go fucking postal... BIG time.
You know what's worse? My dad (who up until fairly recently I assumed had a set of testicles) absolutely LOVES the shit. I was in the car with him last year and he had some Christmas bullshit playing on the stereo. "Let's turn this shit off," I groused, reaching for the channel changer. "No, I like having this on," he says, stopping me. "I like Christmas songs. It really gets me into the season." I literally did a double take. "Say WHAT???" I even tried to look for a telltale lobotomy scar on his head at that point, but his hair is awfully thick. I don't know, I guess that's what happens when you get older. My dad USED to be into Black Sabbath... now he jams "Smooth Jazz" on the radio, which is best described as "Weather Channel Music." "Listen to that," he says as he's playing it on the radio, "You can really hear the individual instruments." Meanwhile, all I can think of when it's playing is, "Partly cloudy skies today, high of 47 degrees..." If I EVER start jamming to the shit they play on The Weather Channel, I'll know I'm getting old.
But no matter what happens, I'll never like Christmas music. Not ever. Fuck Christmas music. And while we're at it, fuck Christmas, too.
This has been going on since the middle of November; The music service at work suddenly decided to switch over from the bland, pleasantly non-offensive soft rock they normally play to Christmas music... and I mean NOTHING but Christmas music... all fucking day. I'm about ready to start savagely tearing people's throats out with my teeth.
There are what, approximately 40 trillion Christmas songs in the world, right? And of ALL these fucking odes to rampant consumerism and greed, I like maybe five of them. I dig McCartney's Wonderful Christmastime, for example. And you can't go wrong with Lennon's Happy X-Mas (War Is Over) either. But if I have to hear another shitty version of A Very Special Christmas or Baby, It's Cold Outside, I'm going to go fucking postal... BIG time.
You know what's worse? My dad (who up until fairly recently I assumed had a set of testicles) absolutely LOVES the shit. I was in the car with him last year and he had some Christmas bullshit playing on the stereo. "Let's turn this shit off," I groused, reaching for the channel changer. "No, I like having this on," he says, stopping me. "I like Christmas songs. It really gets me into the season." I literally did a double take. "Say WHAT???" I even tried to look for a telltale lobotomy scar on his head at that point, but his hair is awfully thick. I don't know, I guess that's what happens when you get older. My dad USED to be into Black Sabbath... now he jams "Smooth Jazz" on the radio, which is best described as "Weather Channel Music." "Listen to that," he says as he's playing it on the radio, "You can really hear the individual instruments." Meanwhile, all I can think of when it's playing is, "Partly cloudy skies today, high of 47 degrees..." If I EVER start jamming to the shit they play on The Weather Channel, I'll know I'm getting old.
But no matter what happens, I'll never like Christmas music. Not ever. Fuck Christmas music. And while we're at it, fuck Christmas, too.
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