Lousy. Fucking. Weekend.

Well, it was. It was bad enough having to work most of the weekend, despite hardly sleeping at ALL. And don't even get me started on Saturday night... it was a horrible evening topped off by a lousy meal of burned fries and chicken strips, with some overpriced beer thrown in for good measure. (And Red Robin usually has decent food, too.) Sadly, the shitty meal was actually the fucking highlight of the night. What a total fiasco.

Actually, I should clarify something a bit. The weekend wasn't all bad. On Sunday, I stayed home, watched Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back and ate horribly unhealthy snacks, so that was, you know, pretty cool. I suppose I could have done something more productive with my time, like write a column or maybe make a half-hearted attempt to clean this dump. But I just wanted to sit around and feel sorry for myself, so that's exactly what I did. We're all entitled to a little of that sometimes. I just sat here, curtains drawn, candles lit, stubble on my face... but I'm feeling a bit better now. Ready to face the world again, however begrudgingly.

Never thought I'd be looking forward to a Monday, but here we are...

Holiday Cheer

I thought this was supposed to be "the most wonderful time of the year," but people seem to be far from jolly as the holidays approach.

Despite the CONSTANT barrage of Christmas music that can be heard everywhere I go, the stores don't seem particularly busy. Maybe other people are finally getting tired of this shit, too. I think more and more people are doing their shopping online, as well as doing the whole, "Fuck it, I'll just get her a gift card" thing. I'm really sick of hearing how greedy retailers are trying to separate people from their money--especially since at the end of every holiday season, they bitch about how sales were "below expectations." Boo-fucking-hoo. The economy sucks, and I really could give a fuck if Wal-Mart makes only 50 billion in profits, as opposed to 40 billion.

People are even cranky at the grocery stores. I was trying to make my way to the checkout counter the other day, but was head off by a huge mass of slack-jawed morons who'd formed a haphazard "line" at the U-Scan. Normally I use the U-Scan too, but decided against it that night. The line was too long, plus most people are too fucking stupid to operate them, so they spend approximately 45 minutes trying to ring up and bag their six items.

So, I'm trying to get past the mob scene at the U-Scan and over to a manned register when this 60-something guy suddenly decides I'm trying to cut into line in front of him and his frumpy wife. "Excuse me there, chief, but what do you think you're doing? We're waiting in line here."

Maybe he was trying to assert his fading manhood in front of his wife... who knows? Either way, I turned to him and said, "Um... good for you, gramps. I'm trying to get over to the other register."

"Oh," he says, eyeing me suspiciously.

Suddenly, red hot rage boiled over from my stomach and into my face. "Oh!" I said back at him. "Is that okay with you???"

"I don't care what you do!" he sputters back, and then quickly avoids any further eye contact. I guess he didn't want to deal with a man half his age and twice his size, especially one who clearly thought he was an idiot.

I should stock up an plenty of can goods, frozen stuff and non-perishable items so I can avoid grocery shopping for the rest of the year. In fact, if I had my way I'd go into hibernation... just like a bear. Wouldn't it be great to just go to sleep and wake up when all this bullshit is over?

HO! HO! HO!

On The Set

Will this show actually come together and be good? I don't know, but you have to admit at least one thing... that leg lamp kicks major ass.

One Week

People seem to think it's funny how somebody who hates Christmas would be appearing in a stage production of A Christmas Story.


Maybe it is funny in a way. But only the "adult" part of me hates Christmas, you know. There's still a lot of "kid" in me that remembers how the season used to be, and that's the thing that's been getting me through rehearsals since October. Much like Ralphie Parker once coveted a Red Ryder B.B. gun more than anything, I once longed for a ColecoVision video game system... a very expensive, hard-to-get present in 1982, similar to a PS3 in today's terms. And much like Ralphie, I had opened up what I thought were the last of my presents that morning only to have to my dad come up from the basement holding a ColecoVision in his arms. The scene where Ralphie gets his B.B. gun is actually very similar to what happened in my real life some 24 years ago. I try to remember that when I'm playing "The Old Man" on stage. Sometimes, even MY dad wasn't a complete prick.

The show actually opens one week from tonight and it's finally starting to come together. The set, which has been slowly hobbled together by a small group of dedicated people, is actually starting to look like a real set. The props are finally trickling in, including the Red Ryder B.B. gun and the leg lamp. That's not to say the show is ready to go, because it isn't... not by a LONG way. We've still got a long week of dress rehearsals in front of us, where things will (supposedly) come together and become a cohesive show.

I take my script to work with me every day, and I use my break periods to go over the lines. I don't NEED to do this, as I've had my lines committed to memory for several weeks now, but it's better than making small talk with my co-workers. People tend to leave you alone when you look as if you're deep in thought. Some of my co-workers are curious about it and ask questions... but most of them have no idea what I'm doing, and I got more than a few strange looks when people saw me reading A Christmas Story on a day like, say, October 11th. But you know, I'll be happy when this thing is over in a few weeks. I'd kind of like to have my life back, such as it is. And I've been neglecting my Dean's Planet duties for far too long. I mean, seriously, I haven't written a new column since that Mandy Lynn interview. But I'll remedy that soon enough...

Is anybody even still reading this blog?