NAME: Brooke Shields

CLAIM TO FAME: Playing a naughty, half-naked piece of teenage ass in that trash masterpiece called "The Blue Lagoon". And making us all wonder what exactly was under her Calvins...

THOUGHTS: Now that the "Classic Broad Of The Month" feature has become a staple here on DeansPlanet.com, everybody seems eager to share their opinions with me on my choice of selections. Which is okay, to a point... the problem is, too many people are bitching to me about it.
Just the other day, a friend of mine asked me who was to be our "Ms. February" for 2004--and when I told him Brooke Shields, he wrinkled up his nose and went "Brooke Shields?? Ewww, dude, she's got nasty man hands!"

"Man hands? What the fuck are you talking about?" I shot back.

"Take a look at her hands sometime", he said. "They're fucking HUGE, just like a guy's!"

First of all, I never even bothered to look at Brooke's hands--I guess my eyes were too busy staring at other areas of her body. Secondly, why should I care if she has big hands? Life isn't a "Seinfeld" episode. Besides, the only way I could see her alleged "man" hands being an issue is if she were giving me a handjob... and unfortunately, I don't foresee that happening anytime in the near future. "Man hands"? Sheesh, everybody's a critic these days...

Brooke had her heyday in the very early 80's, back when I was an impressionable young lad and she was a teen model turned vixen. Everybody remembers those old Calvin Klein blue jeans ads, with a young Brooke Shields looking seductively at the camera and saying;

"Nothing comes between me and my Calvins. Nothing."

It was a fairly controversial commercial for the times, and its obvious double entendre had grown men thinking dirty thoughts about an underaged girl almost twenty years before Britney Spears donned her Catholic schoolgirl uniform. Was she telling us all that she wasn't wearing any panties? I don't know, but I was really interested in finding out.

Brooke looked damn fine in those jeans--and considering the style in the 80's, that wasn't an easy task. Do you guys remember the blue jeans that women wore back in those days? For one thing, they wore them up really, really high... practically up to their boobs. And the jeans flattened the natural curves of their asses, to the point where they looked like pancakes. Not exactly what I'd call sexy. Give me those low-riding, hip-hugging jeans chicks wear nowadays any day of the week. THAT'S the way to showcase a hot ass! I especially like it when they have the thong peeking out the top of the...

Wait a second, what was I talking about? Oh yeah...

"The Blue Lagoon" was a huge deal to me when it came out. I knew about the story long before I saw the movie--a boy and a girl are shipwrecked on a deserted island in the middle of the ocean, where they grow up together, learn about love and life and start banging each other like love-starved monkeys. (At least that's the way I looked at it.) Brooke couldn't have been more than 16-years-old at the time, but I was convinced she was going to spend the entire movie walking around naked. So, of course, I couldn't wait to see it--and when it finally came on cable TV, I was crushed to see that her nude scenes were shot using a rather obvious body double. (I was a horny little bastard, but I wasn't stupid. The bare tits and her face were never in the same shot at the same time, which was a dead giveaway, even to a kid like me.) The rest of the time, her long hair carefully (and annoyingly) covered up her small funbags--so even though she was topless, you couldn't see shit. I kept hoping a hurricane would blow through the island, just so it would whip her hair around and I could see those tiny boobs. And maybe it would sweep that bushy-haired blonde dude out to sea, so young Brooke would be forced to discover the joys of masturbation. But alas, it was not to be. This is one of the MANY reasons I was sexually frustrated, even at a very young age.

(Interestingly enough, Brooke had already done a nude scene. It was in the movie "Pretty Baby", in which she played a child prostitute. In that film, Brooke has a topless scene--at the tender age of twelve! Am I the only one who realizes how fucked up that is??)

I'll say this much for Brooke, though... she grew up into one hell of a sexy broad. Okay, so she's pretty flat-chested and her taste in men is questionable. I mean, Michael Jackson...? Andre Agassi...? But I still have a soft spot (and a hard one) for Brooke Shields. And even though
she's gotta be almost 40-years-old by now, I'm still waiting to see her naked.

Hurry up and do Playboy, Brooke. Let's face it, you ain't getting any younger.

STILL HOT?: Sure she is. Truth be told, she still looks pretty much the same. So, would I bang her? Come on, man, look who you're asking! Not only would I do Brooke, I'd probably do her mom. And yours, too.

-JTL

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