NAME: Victoria Principal

CLAIM TO FAME: Played Pamela Ewing on the TV show Dallas in the only role of substance she's ever had (if you can call Dallas a substantive show to begin with). Since then she has gone down the well-worn path of aging actresses trying to stay on top of their games by starring in a bunch of Lifetime-type empowered-women made-for-TV movies, and is
now on another well-worn path of shilling every kind of skin care/anti-aging cream you can imagine using her name as the brand (I wonder if any of those bottles she sells comes with a tiny plastic surgeon with scalpel in hand to do whatever they did to keep Victoria
looking young). She's also an "accomplished" author, having written books with titles such as The Body Principal, The Beauty Prinicipal, and The Diet Principal.

THOUGHTS: Make no mistake. No matter what she's done since then to maintain her looks, back in the Dallas years Victoria was a smokin' young natural beauty. If Heather Locklear was the fair-haired 80s prime-time soap opera hottie who got my teenage hormones jumping up
and down (and she was), Victoria was the darker-haired one. For nine years, Victoria made all the other Dallas women look matronly by comparison, and she did it without effort. No matter what she was wearing, in my easily engorgable state that's what did it for me.

Victoria in tight jeans sashaying around Southfork Ranch? *BOING*

Victoria in a swimsuit lounging around the Southfork pool? *BOING BOING*

Victoria wearing a sleek ball gown for those parties at Southfork that
rich people stand around at and plan their conniving connivingness? *BOING*

Victoria being sweet? *BOING*

Victoria being pissed off? *BOING*

Victoria emtionally scarred? *BOING*

Victoria standing up for herself? *BOING*

Victoria pouting? *BOING BOING BOING*

Needless to say, there's not much that Victoria Principal as Pamela Ewing didn't do for me.

To make Victoria an even better classic broad, eventually it came back around that she posed nekkid for Playboy in the early 70s. The pictures weren't that great (it's not like there were any split beaver shots or anything), but her luscious nakedness was on display and it
was even sweeter for me to think that not only was she a hot, sexy thing, but also a drrty drrty girl, willing to show skin to make a buck and maybe get ahead in the game a little. Men like the bad girl who's willing to do what other girls aren't. That was my image of Victoria. My mind's eye plainted her as a dirty slut, even though she was actually the good, sweet one on Dallas. It's the sweet, quiet ones who are the closet freaks anyway. How can anyone not find closet freaks classic?

STILL HOT? In doing a little research, I found out that Victoria married a doctor in 1985 that's she's still with today. His name is Harry Glassman and he's a surgeon. Guess what kind of surgeon he is. That's correct, a plastic surgeon. The indisputable implication here
is that Victoria ain't aging naturally. At a certain plastic surgery website, they claim that the supposed cheek implants Victoria got (most likely from her husband) make her look like she's wearing a kabuki mask. Ouch. There's little question that Victoria has had all kinds of work done including, but not limited to, her face, tits, hips (lipo), and arms. However, even with
her Frankenface she doesn't look all of her 58 (!) years.

Assuming she's kept her "youthful" appearance more from her husband's knife than from the shlock she cakes on her face, the question of whether or not she's still hot is an easy one to answer: Hell yeah she's still hot. I don't give a rat's ass how much work she's had done to keep herself looking the way she does. Given the opportunity I'd just close my eyes and remember her Pam Ewing days and imagine I was boning that Victoria anyway.

Of course, I'd also pretend that I was still 12 and she was my math tutor, but that's a whole different story entirely.