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by Tyrone, staff writer |
| DP Columns / Tyrone Jones |
THUMBS
BE UP |
THUMBS
BE DOWN |
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 The Rock
He iz finally getting uh divorce an' we's will see if he will take advantage o' his bachelorhood an' bang some hot chicks. Unfortunately, Dwane wuz married through all those years when he wuz da biggest star in wrestling, through his semi-super movie career, up until now. If he wuz faithful, can ya imagine how much tail he had ta turn down? And da Rock seems like uh stand up guy, I don' th'o't he strayed too far from his wife. Here'sta The Rock, dat lucky SOB!! |
 Lindsay Lohan
If I had da money dat dis here broad has, I wouldn't be rollin' around fucked-up. Doesn't she gots enough dough ta hire uh driver da nights she goes an' gets all fucked-up an' coked up? This shantiqua iz one madness crack beeotch. And what'sup wiff her tits? One day dey iz big, da next small. One day dey iz freckled, da next dey iz milky whitey. This dum beeotch iz going ta end up Anna Nicole Smith style if she don' straighten her dum ass out.
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 Eric B
Word iz dat da greatest DJ o' all tyme iz putting together uh world tour featuring all o' da legends o' rap. In most cases, da werd legend means old fucks who iz over da hill losers dat nobody cares about but in dis here case, deez iz true pioneers in they genre o' rap. Hopefully he will be able ta bring Rakim in fo' uh reunion. Other rappers on da tour include Big Daddy Kane, Whodini, DJ Hot Day, Doug E. Fresh an' Slick Rick. I won't be attending any o' deez events though cuz I value muh ma fuckin life an' I wants ta keep muh ma fuckin sneakers & gold chain right where dey iz.
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 Rosie O'Donnell
This fat, crazy beeotch took some pics o' her lesbian child in da driveway wiff some ammo strapped ta her body. You know da 'Rambo' peep. People on her website criticized da idiot but she says dat her kid wuz just playing dress up so she took uh couple dozen pics. I would rather Rosie strap some explosives on her body ala suicide bombers an' jet jump in uh lake somewhere. Now dat'ssomethin' I would take many photos o' an' it would make uh lot o' peeps happy at da same tyme. This freak iz one sick fuq.
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 R Kelly
My favorite alleged child molester iz at it ag'in an' by 'it' I mean he iz dropping uh new CD. I love dat it'scalled "TP3: Reloaded" cuz iz has da werd 'load' in da title. No doubt he has dropped uh lot o' dem in his lifetime. The first single iz called 'In The Kitchen', dis here iz uh location when he has prob'ly done uh lot o' teenie boppers. Also I applaud him fo' suing Jay Z. Along wiff Wacko Jacko (ironic ain't it), he iz alleging dat da rapper has played some o' his rap in his night club an' iz seeking damages. I hope he gets some money from J, he iz an ugly nigga who scored one o' da hottest chicks ever an' what can I say, I'm jealous. |
 Britney Spears
Now here'sda thin'. I gots always loved dis here hottie way back ta her schoolgirl outfit days. Her rap iz shitty an' her voice blows but damn, she wuz HOT! So she had uh nervous breakdown, so did Mariah, remember? Well I'm giving her THUMBS DOWN cuz o' all dis here wig wearing sheeit. It makes her peep like uh homeless biotch. I say dat if ya shave yo' head, rock dat sheeit ta da fullest. Make it peep like ya don' give uh sheeit dat ya shaved yo' head in uh drug induced haze. Instead she chooses ta wear deez cheap, Halloween swapmeet looking wigs dat make her peep like an Atlantic City street walker an' not da ones at da Tropicana, mo' like da boardwalk hos. |
 Wesley Snipes
In an effort ta beat federal tax evasion charges, Snipes & lawyers iz going wiff an ingenious plan, play da race card... That sheeit worked fo' OJ an' uh countless number o' other brothers so it'sdefinitely worth uh try. If you looking fo' uh true crime, peep at da way dey fucked up Blade: Trinity. Lets bring in an' book Jessica Biel & dat loser Ryan Reynolds fo' they bad acting, da person who OK'd da scrip' an' da casting director who hired pro wrestler Triple H as uh villain. Charge dem wiff crimes against da movie going public an' make dem pay restitution in popcorn an' giant sized Sierra Mists. |
 Chris Benoit
This guy wuz on steroids? I never would have guessed it. Maybe it wuz his neck, or lack o' dat should gots been da tell-tale sign. I like how da media iz blaming da roids though, an' roid rage. Can't anyone jet fucking madness anymo'? And what'swiff da WWE giving dis here guy uh tribute 'bfoe dey knew what da whole story wuz all about. A husband, wife an' child all found dead an' right away dey wants ta give uh tribute on Monday Night Raw? Anyone wiff half uh brain cell can figure out it wuz uh murder suicide. What uh shame though. Here wuz uh great wrestler an' big fan favorite but now he ain't any bettah than da Virginia Tech killer. |
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