Before I became a Stern celebrity journalist, the owner of a very successful website and an internet legend, with all the fame and notoriety that came along with it, and long before Howard Stern, the man himself, read one of my articles and told millions of listeners that my writing was GREAT, I was just another unknown fan with a few autographs collected and a dream-- a dream to build a tribute to a man. A tribute not just to any man but a great man, a genius of a man, an innovator like none before him or since--perhaps the most important man to ever live. Not just a brilliant man but a great looking one too….Ok, I think that should cover it. HAHAHA!! Thanks for the kind words Howard. Welcome to our small corner of the world.

Today’s featured inductee, Fruity Nutcake Rappin’ Granny was one of the first Stern celebrities that I contacted when I started building the shrine. At the time, she had a website and it was from there that I emailed her my autograph request. A few weeks later I received in the mail not only a nice autographed 8x10 but also a sample cd of her work. This was the very first time that someone had sent me something besides their autograph and boy did I get excited. BOING!! Later, when I added my homemade talking frames to my display, I just had to add something from the cd she sent and the sound byte "I’m Fruity Nutcake, with my seventy-five year old assssss." became a favorite of those who toured the shrine.

That was a few years ago and I am happy to report that that ass is now 81 years young.
Recently, for her 81st birthday, Fruity decided to celebrate among friends and what better place to find some than the Howard Stern show. The birthday girl showed up unannounced at the studio and the result was another fun performance and show. Just like Granny, her appearances never seem to get old. Not for me anyway. Some may think I am crazy for saying this but I would definitely hit that. WHAAAAT A PIEEEEECE OF ASSSSSS!!! And that is exactly what happened on this day. Both Howard and Artie hit on Fruity….well….sort of. I was going to recap this latest birthday appearance but someone had done a great job of it already. That someone is Mark Friggin of www.marksfriggin.com who recaps the events of the show each and every day.Mark, along with being a really cool guy is one of the the most dedicated and hardest working Stern fan on the web. His website has been a major help to me over the years and with his permission here is his recap of that appearance:

81 Year Old Fruity Nutcake The Rappin' Granny Comes In. 8/4/03. 9:15am Rappin Granny showed up today even though she wasn't scheduled to be on. Howard said it was her 81st birthday today and she was looking to get a plug or something. Howard said she was wearing stockings and looked awful. He said it was embarrassing and she might want to give up the whole thing. She was asking to spin the Wheel of Sex when she came in. Howard didn't want to see her do anything on the wheel but let her do it anyway. He asked her if she still pleasures herself at that age. She said she doesn't do that anymore. She was rambling about how she's lost her teeth and hearing but Howard didn't seem to want to hear that. He told her to just spin the wheel. She landed on ''Wet T-shirt'' but no one wanted to see that. Howard told her to spin the wheel again. That time it landed on ''Get Spanked by Howard.'' Howard just laughed when he saw that. She started to go over to him but he decided to head over to her instead. He told her to bend over and then proceeded to spank her. He said he was afraid that she was going to fall over. Howard hit her a couple of times. She wouldn't stop talking though so he told her to shut up. He then invited Artie to come over and spank her. Howard said it was gross to hit that 81 year old ass of hers. Artie gave her a good whack that almost knocked her over. He gave her a couple more whacks and then Howard let her do her rapping thing. Rappin' Granny started to do some of her rap but Howard told her to shut up after about 10 seconds of that awful act. He gave her a plug and said you can book her for parties by e-mailing her at FruityNutcake@yahoo.com. Howard got rid of her a short time later.

A few guys called in and asked when this segment is going to be on the E! show. Howard said he's not sure about that and it's going to be pretty disturbing to see when he whacks her ass. Robin wondered if she'd be willing to play ''It's Just Wrong.'' Double A called in and asked if Howard got wood while he was spanking her. Howard just laughed and took another call from Captain Janks. Janks said that was the most disgusting thing he'd ever heard on the show. He said he was pleasuring himself and when she came on, he just shriveled up. Artie later said it was ''like spanking Sponge Bob'' when he spanked her ass. Howard said it was as close to a dead person as he's ever been. He said the only thing missing was the maggots.

After Fruity’s appearance I thought it would be fun to contact her and see what else was going on with her. She previously did an interview for the site with Dean but that was awhile back, and Hey, lets face it, she isn’t getting any younger. What better time than now. I emailed Fruity to see if she would grant us another interview and again she was more than happy to oblige. Since Fruity no longer has a website, I asked that she also send us a few photos for the article. (We usually just grab some off of the websites) When I received a really nice one of her and her manager and writer, Neil Berliner, M.D., I thought, hmmmm...you know what would be really cool ?, a few words from the man behind the talent, the man responsible for all of the great rhymes. I sent some questions to the good doctor and hoped he’d agree. The result: Another DeansPlanet EXCLUSIVE. Maybe. I’m not really sure if this is Dr.Berliner’s first interview about his work with the Rappin Granny or if it will be Fruity’s last but I think we ended up with a nice peek into the world of Fruity Nutcake Rappin’Granny--Stern legend. A very special thanks to both of you.

Fruity: Some just come to us, others are written by Dr. Berliner specifically for the Howard Stern Show. Some of the most requested ones are:

I go all night I love to scream
Believe me I'm your grandpa's dream
When Bill Gates plays in my front yard
His Micro-Soft gets big and hard
I'm 81 but still hot to handle
Get that outta my face That's no birthday candle
Rappin' Granny Fruity Nutcake
My body sags like a week-old cheesecake

Dr.Berliner: I have been managing and writing for Fruity Nutcake since 1998. After seeing her perform in a club in New York City, I approached her and asked if I could write some new ballsier lyrics for her, which she agreed to. My strategy was to incorporate 3 major themes; old age/sicknesses/medications, sex, and rap; and to bounce them off each other. For instance:

"I’ll put a move on any man
Hey have you seen my diaphragm?"

That always gets a good laugh because of the imagery of an old woman looking around the room for some birth control so she can have sex without worrying about getting pregnant! Within a month Sally Jesse Raphael’s producer booked her. Fruity killed on Sally, then went on to do the VH1 tongue in cheek type show that she mentioned called Rock & Roll Record Breakers, a segment which I co-wrote and appeared in with her. Since then, she’s been on many TV shows such as The View and the premiere episode of last year’s 30 Seconds to Fame, and is, of course, a regular guest with Howard. Just some side notes: We were contacted about a year ago by NBC to do a talent show for old people. Well, they used a different old rapper instead of Fruity and the show got canned after 1 episode! Also, yesterday (9/30/03) I was in Philadelphia and apparently there was a guest on some show called the "Rapping Grandmother" (not Fruity). I never thought I’d see the day….

Dr.Berliner: I recently experienced torsion, which is a twisting of the cords that suspend the testicl,,,,, oh, you mean my worst experience with the show? Well, I once asked Tom Chiusano to autograph a Fruity Nutcake lyric sheet that all the other show members had signed. He examined it up and down like a $500/ hour Park Avenue lawyer and finally reluctantly signed it "Tom C". So he was even too cheap to commit to signing with the "full Chiusano" or however he spells his name. See, if he had signed right, I’d know how to spell it! Another time, in a little kitchen area in the studio, I spilled a little coffee, and Tom happened to stick his head in the door and noticed it. He bolted for the paper towels, gave me a dirty look, and cleaned it all up. It was like he had to beat me to the paper towels to make me look like an asshole for spilling coffee.

"Ain’t no food in Howard’s green room
No drinks neither it’s a crime
Must be that cheap prick Ciusano
Tryin’ to save a fuckin’ dime!"

Also, at our 1st appearance on 5/5/99, not being permitted by Ronny to leave the green room to go to the bathroom. I’m sure there was some dignitary in there at the time. Oh, and if that bathroom were in a restaurant, you’d leave the restaurant without finishing your meal.