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by Doc, DeansPlanet.Com staff writer
Can I Have Your Autograph... / Sack Wackers
King of the Sack Wackers?
9-09-03
 
This story is again back in the minds of the Stern Internet fans despite being totally brushed under the rug by Howard and the show. Maybe with Melrose’s latest update it will get the attention of the show..maybe not. All I know is I wanted to get this story out to you in a timely manna so if by chance you are still reading here is the interview I did with Melrose a few months back.
Doc: I was always curious about something. Why didn't you use Howard's name in the book? You use H_ _ _ _ S_ _ _ _ , Melch or other names besides his name. Why did you do that? 
Melrose: ny thr- Howard doesn't like his name used in other people's work, if at all possible.
Doc: What exactly happened in Las Vegas between you and Joey Boots? 
Melrose: Joey Boots made everything up. I never touched him till he hit me twice and assaulted me.
Doc: Why were you thrown out and not him? 
Melrose: Ask Ronnie the Limo Driver and K.C. why I was thrown out. Boots should have been thrown out and arrested!
Doc: Why do you think he did what he did, lie about you grabbing his nutsack? 
Melrose: Boots is all that- he is desperate for my fame. He really wants to BE Melrose Larry Green!
Doc: Howard said on the air the other day that you think of yourself as the King of the wack packers. Do you think of yourself as the leader or king? You do seem to have been around the longest. 
Melrose: Of all those currently on the air, I have been on the air the longest. I consider myself to be King of the Wack Pack and also bigger than the whole wack pack put together. Now that I tour with Stuttering John and Artie, I feel I am in a different category. Howard said in Vegas that my comedy act was great. That's what he told me backstage at the Hard Rock, when he and Beth came backstage. He told me the same thing a year ago in Atlantic City!
Doc: The newest crop of wack packers have been under fire by the fans for being only after the almighty buck and handouts from Howard. How do you see the state of things? 
 
Melrose: I don't do what I do for the money. In fact, when I was poor, I used my own money to travel all over the country to show my love for the show and to get noticed. A lot of people (not Howard) are threatened by me.
Doc: Any good stories on the road with JJJOHN and company you care to share with the fans? How many shows are you doing a month now? 
Melrose: There is nothing more fun than traveling with John, Artie, and Jim Florentine. I will be appearing with John in Ft. Lauderdale at the end of June. Meanwhile, I average one comedy show a week.
Doc: Any new projects coming up? 
Melrose: I am developing the MLG show, complete with comedy, music, piano playing and the work) I stopped doing my own radio show two years ago. But it was a great experience.
Doc: How big is your penis? 
Melrose: Big enough!
Doc: What have you learned from H----d over the years? Is there anything you would like to say to him in this article? 
Melrose: I have learned from Howard to always follow your inner passion and to persist. I would say thank you Howard for manking (sic) me famous. I enjoy being recognized more than anything else.
Doc: How is your relationship with Gary and the rest of the crew? 
Melrose: I think Gary likes me, but he has to be careful about other people who mess with him. Gary understands me and he and I go back many years! The rest of the crew is cool to me. For some reason, Ronnie Mund really detests me. Ask him why! I have no problem with Ronnie!
Doc: Any good behind the scenes stories? 
Melrose: Howard has always been real nice to me off the air, although we usually exchange just hellos and good to see yas!
Doc: Any chance I can get a sign from you for the shrine? 
Melrose: I will definitely get a sign to you for your shrine, just send me your address and what you want on the sign. People can get their own Melrose signs by going to my website melroselarry.com. You can also book me for appearances by going to melroselarry.com or writing to me at melrose1@earthlink.net

To be honest, I wasn’t sure what to think. This is not the first time Joey Boots’s credibility has been in question. I have been privy to many complaints about Boots, from other Stern celebrities like Jeff Levy and Mark Harris, who supposedly reported him to the police and the FBI, as well as from others very close to him, I can believe that he instigated it all for airtime and attention but then again his side of the story is also believable. I can definitely see Melrose with a devilish grin and twinkle in his eye saying, "I couldn’t resist…"

I decided at this point to see what others thought and contacted some people who knew the two hoping that maybe they could shed some light on the matter.

Some comments I got back were just gay like Sean Rooney, Beetlejuice’s manager who said
"Yeah, Joey liked it but Melrose did it too hard. Joe likes it gentle."

And some more serious:
Zolar: It is my opinion that Melrose Larry Green is a psychotic lunatic that needs mental help ! With that said, I would also like to say I believe Joey Boots when he says Melrose did grab his sack . I was near them when it happened and the way Joey Boots looked It did not appear that he was fabricating this story . For the time I have known Joey Boots he has never lied as far as I know. But in Melrose Larry Green's case I have been privy to his lies. Melrose had the security believe that Stuttering John wanted Joey and I ejected from the comedy show @ the Hard Rock , which was told to be a lie by John himself when Joey and I saw him after the show . In fact John then invited Joey and I over to the club Paradise for a VIP party ! I was also Informed by others that Melrose was spreading rumors that I had ripped off some hookers, I mean dancers, from club Paradise for a lot of money which is another lie . So to sum this up I think Melrose Larry Green is a fecisious obnoctious biligerent fool and one of the most despicable liars I have ever had the displeasure to meet . I would liken him to a Elegant Elliot Offen type ! this is the gospel according to Zolar

Jeff levy: Joey Boots has no talent to speak of and is nothing more than a trouble maker. He is a rumor mongerer of ill-thither. He said on the air that he spoke to my parents and that I abuse them. All bullshit. My parents never spoke to him. They never spoke to him in their lives. It would not surprise me in the least that he is lying about this whole thing too. This guy will do and say anything for airtime and attention and is a disgrace to Howard. He is nothing but garbage.

Some were funny...

Jim Florentine:
I think they both should have grabbed Nicole's nutsake.

 

and some weren't funny at all...

Rev Bob: hey..I was there but everything happend so fast...I dont now what exactly happened..but Joey was screaming he grabbed my balls..i feel violated..

But I did receive one that was simply hilarious...

Kidd Chris: Melrose better watch his step cause Joey Boots is a comedic Genius~!

To make a long story even longer I thought while putting the article together I would give Joey Boots a final word and caught him via Instant message, just like old times.

HOWARDSHRINE: Any final comments on the Vegas Incident with Melrose?
JOEYBOOTS: regarding Melrose grabbing my nutsack in Vegas.....the guy was trying to direct all of the show regulars and VIP's who were in our section on how they should behave because in his words, "you don't know what it's like to have a radio show....I do". I turned to him and said, "you pay for your airtime you fuckin' idiot and don't be telling me what to do.' A few moments later he grabbed my nuts.......he was obviously hurt by my words because just a while earlier he was telling me how much of a fan of mine he was and now I just put him down.
JOEYBOOTS: once he grabbed my sack I smacked him in the head and he was shoved by Nicole Bass and then eventually thrown out
HOWARDSHRINE: Any comment on his banning?
JOEYBOOTS: I read he went on Mancow's show so fuck him if that's the case. I really know nothing of his supposed banning but always enjoyed when he called....especially the part where he'd be yelling "no...no...one more thing Howar......<click>". Those hangups always made me chuckle.
JOEYBOOTS:
Perhaps we are gonna see him at the Kobe trial yelling "Rapist! Rapist! Rapist" and "The Cow Is Now!".

After the latest update was reported later that day I contacted him once again.
HOWARDSHRINE: Would you like to add anything else now that Melrose has made his latest update?
JOEYBOOTS:
I read the not so nice things Melrose said regarding John and if this is the way he feels about the one guy on the show who actually treated him like family, then it's a good thing he is gone because nobody needs friends like that. John, being a righteous dude, put Melrose on his comedy show and had him at his house and now Melrose has just shown his true traitorous colors...... What a piece of shit.

Piece of shit or just another victim of the ruthless prankster known as Joey Boots?

I would love to see the video that Melrose claims vindicates him. Whether or not the Show decides to pick this story back up and settle this controversy once and for all for us fans is anyone’s guess.

Who grabbed whose nutsack first? Who is lying? How the hell do I know Connie?

One thing I do know for certain: A couple of nuts were definitely involved.

(note: While proofreading this article I realized that Melrose never actually accused Joey Boots of grabbing his nutsack, only of starting the confrontation by knocking off his Lakers Cap, tearing up his signs and hitting him, but I decided to leave the Who grabbed whose nutsack first question in anyway because I think it's funnier that way...hahahahahaha....bite me)