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by Doc, DeansPlanet.Com staff writer |
| Can I Have Your Autograph... / Pinocchio |
| "Pinocchio"
Dave
07-31-02
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|
 When
I decided to try and collect autographs of people associated
with the Howard Stern Show, I was faced with a very important
decision, "Who should I ask?" Of course, I had to
try and include the crew, wack packers and any A-list guests
like Pat Cooper, for example, but what about some of the other
lesser known personalities or peripheral players as some might
say from the show? For me the decision was a no-brainer. Hey,
watch that. It was and still is my opinion that any tribute
to Howard and the Show HAS to include EVERYONE that makes
the show as great as it is.  To
capture the entire Stern experience, you need not justHoward
and Robin, but on down to even Stern website owners, the fans,
and everyone in between. Today we feature someone who may
not be a household name for most, but for us diehard Stern
fans he represents a vital part of the Show, "the frequent
caller." More specifically, the frequent caller who has
made a studio appearance.
Yes, a very rare breed but extremely important players for
that whole inclusive feel of the show. Sometimes their appearances
even make the best shows. Who can ever forget frequent caller,
Sean Dee Whiter Rapper parading around the streets of New
York in panties and bra looking for gay porno mags, or Joey
Boots confessing to the whole world that he is a premature
ejaculator and has difficulties satisfying a woman as a result,
or Bobo busting into Alison's hospital room to  meet
his idol and the fun they have had with that squirrel on his
head. Today we feature one of these lucky folks, a frequent
caller to the show who found that angle, who was invited to
the big dance...It was on May 17th, 1999 that this caller
squared off with Howard in a beauty pageant to see who was
the better looking man…Ooh Gaa!! Howard won by a nose. HAHAHAHAHAH
Now that's comedy. Seriously, anytime you hear Howard pick
up a caller and you hear, "Hey Pinocchio." you know
you are about to enter the Pinocchio Dave Zone. Over a year
and a half ago, I contacted Dave via email and even spoke
with him in a chat room at the old SternFanNetwork, and I
must say it was quite a thrill. Dave was gracious enough then
to send me his autograph and some pictures he took in the
green room the day of the contest. I recently caught up with
Dave and asked if he would grant me an interview. We wrapped
things up the very next day. I wish they all went this smooth.
Thanks Dave. And without further ado…Ladies and Gentlemen,
Pinocchio Dave. |
Doc:
F,
Marry, or Kill:
Robin Quivers, Nicole Bass & Rosie O' Donnell? |
| Pinocchio
Dave: This
is a tough one...I'd fuck and marry Robin and destroy (can't
say kill...lol) Man Nicole and Fatso. |
| Doc:
You
have made I don't know how many calls to the show. Any estimate
how many times you have called in? Any one call stick out
for you as your favorite or least favorite? Is there a special
number you call to get on the air so much? |
| Pinocchio
Dave: I've
at least made 50-75 calls over the past few years. My favorite
was when he made the comment "nigga pleeze" and
picked up my call and when I called him Pinocchio. I thought
that might be the hook to meet one of my idols...McCartney
is still at large for me as I met Michael Jordan. Yes I do
have a private number and have had a phone relationship with
John about 4-5 years…his mom has diabetes and I gave him a
machine to give to his mom. Her thank you note still hangs
on my wall. |
| Doc:
What
was it like being in the studio with Howard and the gang for
your beauty contest? |
| Pinocchio
Dave: The
feeling was exuberance...I planned well in advance...no way
in hell I would go in cold. Between breaks Howard's great…gave
me a huge hug (not easy for a lanky, big-schnozzed OCD guy)
but luv the dude, nonetheless. I felt abnormally comfortable
thanks to John and KC in the Green Room. |
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| Doc:
How do you like the dynamics of the show now with Artie in
and Jackie gone? Who is your favorite on the show? |
| Pinocchio
Dave: The Dynamics have changed…yes...but the CORE
...has not...as long as there is a Howard & Robin...other
seats can be filled as needed. They make the show and have
for years. Who do I like the best...hard to say…have to say
John...he's my only connection to the show and he's just a
good guy. LOL...his mom says she used to call him Johnny Boy.
KC is a great guy. Gary is smart but he's too nervous. The
show will always be great if the CORE is there. |
| Doc:
Any behind the scenes revelations you can share with us mere
mortal fans? |
| Pinocchio
Dave: Well...poor John has to say 50 zillion times
"What do you want to talk to Howard about?" lol...he
picks the ones that will ultimately be sent via computer to
Howard's screen...this way Howard has constant fresh material
to work with. True he is brilliant...however...he's smart
enough to know to include his fans to give their almost always
negative comments to whoever is the guest. |
| Doc:
Benji? Nice guy or smelly pig? Did you pick up any Benji whiff
while in the studio? |
| Pinocchio
Dave: Benji was nice to me the day before I went
on the show to get certain stats they needed to give to Stern.
I only saw him that day...but from what I have seen...yes...he's
a big, fat, disgusting (tits included), sloppy, useless waste
of human flesh...lol |
| Doc:
How long have you been a fan of the show? How much do you
listen now? |
Pinocchio
Dave: I have been listening to the show since I
returned from living in Italy for four years ending in April
1980: Therefore .....................................21 years.I
go back to the days of WNBC with the emphasis on the NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.
At that time I believe he had the 10-2 slot as Anus in the
Morning had the 6-10. Thanks to Howard and Robin....I peed
in my pants...had to pull over numerous times as the farts
came through....in a sense....they MADE MY DAYS for 21 years.
Going to the studio was not a call to get famous...lol..I
wanted to thank them all as I did Michael Jordon, and one
day Paul McCartney, for enriching the lives of millions |
| Doc:
Any ideas on how to resolve that Jew-Arab thing? |
| Pinocchio
Dave: I feel everyone who comes from Fucking anywhere
should go the Fuck home...lol...that means the Arabs back
to Arabia and the Jews to either The Borsht Belt, Florida,
or Israel...and STAY THE FUCK THERE ...lol…period! |
| Doc:
For the ladies and Mark Harris, how big is your penis? |
| Pinocchio
Dave: Ok...now to the all-important dick. Let's
see...right now I'm envious of a STIFF wind. I'd say between
6-7 DEPENDING on the chick I am with. I think that says it
all. |
| Doc:
It sure does Dave. Thanks for everything. Looking forward
to your next call. |
| Pinocchio
Dave: Thank you Doc. See ya. |
| Excerpt
from http://www.marksfriggin.com Howard
And Dave Evaluated. 5/19/99. 7:55am
This guy Dave was calling in to the show every day recently
and calling Howard ''Pinnochio'' because of his large nose.
Eventually Howard decided that he wanted to see what Dave
looked like so he invited him down to be evaluated. There
were three women from various magazines and modeling agencies
to evaluated the two of them. Brandon Holly, GQ Magazine's
Style Editor, was one woman. Nicole Beland, Associate Editor
of Cosmopolitan magazine, was another one and finally, Stephanie
Grill, director of the Click Modeling Agency, was number
3. Howard had Dave come in to get this over with. Dave had
some so-called comedy material to go through but it was
so unfunny that Howard made him move on. Then Dave sang
a song which also sucked the life out of the show. Howard
then had each of the 3 women evaluate Dave. Dave is 47 years
old, 5'8'' tall with grey hair and a broad, flat nose and
a pot belly. Brandon rated Dave at a 6, Nicole gave him
a 5 and Stephanie gave him a 7. She said that he has potential
as a model! Tota score - 18. Howard then got up and got
his evaluation. Brandon gave him an 8, Nicole gave him a
7, and Stephanie gave him a 9½! Nicole thought that
Howard's ass was flat but he pulled down his baggy pants
and showed her how round it actually is. Both Nicole and
Stephanie said his nose gives him character. Nicole said
it was ''Statuesque.'' Total score for Howard - 24½.
Dave agreed that if he lost he'd have to call Howard every
day for 3 weeks and address him as ''Handsome'' instead
of Pinnochio. |
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