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by Doc, DeansPlanet.Com staff writer
Can I Have Your Autograph... / Richard Christy
Why Can't Richard Christy Get Laid?
08-09-02
 
One of the aspects of the Howard Stern show that I love so much are the mysteries that seem to always keep arising out of the show.  We  uncovered the truth on a few of those mysteries recently like,  Where is KC Armstrong? and What happened to Chaunce Hayden?   And last year we solved another mystery involving a current crew member when we asked, Does Benjy really smell?  and we learned that from most accounts that answer is a resounding YES!! OMG YES!! With the addition of Richard Christy to the show a new unsolved mystery has reared its ugly head, no pun intended: Why can't Richard  Christy get laid?   Here is a guy who hasn't gotten laid in over two years and counting and most of that time he was a  Stern Show regular. Before that he had a ten year  gap in nookie --a whole friggin decade people-- and that was when he was one of the top speed metal drummers in such bands as Death and Iced Earth……….and touring Europe where the chicks just love that music……and he still couldn't get laid. WTF? I have never had a drought like that in my entire life. Getting vag has NEVER been a problem for me. Of course, I am a bit of a charmer and I have a very large penis. Maybe Richard is small in the pants? It is his hygiene? Anyone who saw the pics of his teeth before the BethO makeover, where he confessed that he hadn't had them cleaned in 11 years, could easily embrace that theory.  Richard has been a great addition to the show ( I voted for him) and I will always remember Howard's underwear cleaner, Ralph Cirella, saying when Richard first won John's job that he liked Richard for his obvious talent but he also felt that Richard had some crazy things going on in his personal life that he was looking forward to seeing come out. He thought Richard might be a freak and boy was he right.  He has gotten laid only once in the last twelve years or so from my calculations and every Friday night he has a date with himself and his computer full of naked chick pics and porn videos ,spending hours pleasuring himself, even pouring glasses of wine for the ladies on his monitor. Maybe Richard just has a hard time following through on things and closing the deal. (I am still waiting for the autograph he promised me BEFORE he won the contest)  If a guy can't get someone something he promised them in over a years time  something ain't right. Truthfully, it sounds on the show like Richard has finally been getting more action since his makeover and working that whole "I'm on the Stern show" thing more but has he reached the promised land? Either he has and he isn't saying or he did say and I missed that part of the show but  either way I just had to find out why the pussy wagon isn't stopping  at Richard's station as much as it could.

Today we feature two recent shrine inductees. Two young, beautiful women who spent some quality time with Richard: Lorraine "The Tall Goddess" and Jessi "I really need boobs"   The Tall Goddess recently on one Stern show had Richard tied to the tickle post with his shirt off and  stylish  under-roos down around his knees. She spanked him and whipped him and twisted his titties and had him screaming out in ecstasy AND had a up-close and personal view of Richard‘s third drumstick. Hmm…Should his new name on the show be ‘Little" drummer boy? Is that the reason? I  had to find out.  Jessi , a huge fan of Richard and his music, went  on a date with him to Scores but she seemed more turned on by the music  that the strippers were dancing to……..AND the strippers more than Richard.
Hmm….another Stern crew member with an odor issue?  I had to find out.

I have the pleasure of  interviewing these ladies and asked them what is on the minds of  True Stern Fans everywhere: Why can't Richard get laid?  Thank you ladies for giving us fans a peek into the crazy  "I can't get laid" world of Richard Christy.
Doc: What exactly is your relationship with movie producer Robert Evans?
Tall Goddess: Robert Evans is a good friend of mine, we were introduced by erotica director Andrew Blake in the summer of 2004. It was Robert's idea that I go and visit the Howard Stern Show to promote my directorial debut.
Doc: Speaking of movies, along with doing some soft porn movies I understand that you also are a movie director. What are some of your films and where can we see them?
Tall Goddess: I gave my directorial debut in hardcore with "The Super Divas Diary " for Venus Girls Productions. Also coming out in August 2005 is "Women on Top" my new monthly hardcore line for Venus Girls. Venus Girls is a company concentrating on beautiful women controlling sex, shot with female empowerment in mind, very stylish and glamourous, making it of interest for the female viewer as well.
www.thevenusgirls.com
Doc: Which side of the camera do you prefer to be on?
Tall Goddess: They're both great!
Doc: You have been a dominatrix for a few years now. What are some of the more kinkier things men have asked you to do. Is it purely dominatrix or do you do anything sexual with your clients.

Tall Goddess: No, I am not a dominatrix anymore. I have been in the years from 1996-1998 in Germany. Meanwhile I am a glamour model and porn director in the U.S. Men back in the days asked me to beat them unconscious, to nail a penis to a piece of wood, to insert needles in the skin surrounding the penis...the list is long. It's amazing what people will do to get off.
 
Doc: That was a really fun appearance both to listen to and watch on E! when you dominated Richard Christy. How big was his penis? Average? Below average? It amazes me that he can't seem to get laid. Do you think maybe it's his penis size that is turning the womens off? Why do you think Richard is having such a hard time hooking up?
Tall Goddess: Thanks! I had a great time and liked him immediately. He's a sort of guy that is non-threatening and I get along with very well. I think his penis is probably healthy average, I haven't seen it up-close to be able to judge the size. And if I learned one thing about cocks, you always judge the size when it's erected, never when it's not. You have no idea...the smallest penis, when erected, can all of a sudden literally grow out of itself. I have seen transformations from non-erected to erected that were amazing. I think Richard would need to cut his hair. Then again, I hear there's still women around who like guys with long hair. I just know, I don't.
Doc: Tell us about that dominatrix session. Is that typical of what you do with people. How much would a session like that cost? Is there anything you wanted to do to him that you didn't do.
Tall Goddess: IT WAS ABSOLUTELY NOT TYPICAL. First of all, again, I am not a dominatrix anymore, I think the Howard Stern Show just couldn't think of anything better to call me. Then, this was some improvised TV scenario, not a SESSION per se. A session goes on for min. an hour or two and is a very private matter. And the guy usually comes in the end through his own hand job.
Doc: Do you enjoy being dominated at all? Being spanked or have your hair pulled, etc . which do you prefer better , being dominated or dominating someone.
Tall Goddess: I am very vaguely in the middle. I enjoy both, it depends, who's more demanding, me, or the guy I have sex with.
Doc: Any behind the scenes of the Howard stern show you can share with us fans?
Tall Goddess: Yes, Howard was very nice to me after the show was over, I showed him the box-cover of the movie I directed "The Super Divas Diary" and he looked at all the back-cover pictures and seemed to like what he saw! I asked him if I could come back to the show, now, that he knows me. He was very sweet saying of course I could, whenever I would have something to promote I should give them a call.
Doc: There are some incredible photos on your website. How is the modeling going?
Tall Goddess: Thanks a lot! The modeling is going well, I just read a review about my site on the internet, that said I would have the best collection of glamour models world wide on my website www.tallgoddess.com
Doc: You have modeled mainly for erotic glamour and fetish magazines, correct? Do you hope to one day model for more mainstream magazines? Have you? Would you pose for playboy or hustler if they asked?
Tall Goddess: I did a layout for Hustler magazine years ago. It was nice. Playboy is out of reach, so are mainstream mags. I was featured in Maxim recently though. I enjoy the adult industry tremendously and love to pose for all sorts of mens mags.
Doc: How tall are you exactly?  Do you think your height has hurt or helped you in your modeling career?
Tall Goddess: Well, both. I am 6'1 tall, and yes, it has helped a lot, whenever it was a more mainstream oriented assignment. When it comes to erotica/soft porn though, they don't like the girls to be that tall.
Doc: Reading your online journal you travel quit a bit it seems. What is your favorite city or country you have been too? Who has the best scene for the modeling that you like right now?
Tall Goddess: L.A. is no doubt the place to be. It has the best scene. My favorite city is Bangkok, it's just such a phenomenal place.
Doc: What do you think of the recent London bombings? How has it affected you
Tall Goddess: It hasn't affected me. What I think of it? Probably what everybody else thinks to. Shame, shame, shame. It's awful and sad. But I don't see an end in the conflict anytime soon.
Doc: Where would you like to see yourself and your career in 5 years? What are your goals?
Tall Goddess: I want to be a successful director of art-core and erotica. Think Andrew Blake and Michael Ninn. That's where I want to be.
Doc: What new projects are you working on now?
Tall Goddess: My monthly line for Venus Girls Productions, "Women On Top" and soon a second line in addition. Of course always my website www.tallgoddess.com
Doc: Would you like to go back on the stern show? is there anything you would like to say to Howard and/or his fans.
Tall Goddess: would LOVE to go back on Howard Stern. It was a great experience, and he's such a unique entertainer in America. To all the Howard fans : Stay loyal! There is no other.
All the best to all of you and let's hope he'll rock for another few decades!
Doc: So how did you like your date with Richard Christy? Is there anything you can share about the date that you didn't talk about on the air?
Jessie: The date was a lot of fun. The E! crew was with us almost the whole night so it was a little weird. I would have like to have had more time with Richard, but I think it was a great first date. There was a lot that went on that didn't get talked about or shown on E!. One thing that even Richard missed was me getting on stage and dancing with the Scores girls. It was like what you saw on E! except they had me topless! I was so nervous. Good thing the camera's left before the drinks hit me!
Doc: Are you still in contact with Richard now? How often do you talk on the phone? Are there any plans to meet each other again?
Jessie: I do still talk to him. We talk a few times a week. I haven't talked to him in a while because he has been on vacation, but he has sent me text messages.
Doc: Have you too hooked up since your date?
Jessie: No, I left back for Louisiana the morning after our date.
Doc: Joey boots called you a whore on the air and said that your people were spamming stern websites. Is that true? How do you address these charges that you were just in it for the publicity.
Jessie: "My people" lol! As far as I know nobody has posted anything on Stern's websites. In fact I haven't seen any comments that look like something I or anyone I know would say about me. I paid for my whole trip to NY. I wanted to meet Richard. If I just wanted the publicity I would have settled for what I got when I called in, not flown to NY.
Doc: Was the date with Richard what you expected? What would you have changed about the date.? Why didn't you go back to his apartment?
Jessie: It was a little different than expected I guess. The camera crew is right there and the lights are so bright. I didn't expect the cameras to be as in your face as they are. I also would have thought they would have tried to get Richard to act a certain way, but it was normal. I didn't go back with him because I didn't feel it was a right to have sex with him the first day we met. I originally wanted to spend the weekend with him. That would have given us a couple extra days to get to know each other.
Doc: I visited you web site. You do live web cam shows? What is the craziest thing you have done or what was the craziest thing you wouldn't do?
Jessie: I do live cam shows sometimes. It's cool and the pay can be good. I won't do hardcore anal stuff. I use a good sized blue dildo that guys want to see me thrust up ass. Sorry not for $1.99 per minute! One thing that gets frustrating is that guys will log off right before I cum. So I have to finish before I go back into chat.
Doc: How is the raising money for breast implants coming along and how close are you to your goal?
Jessie: I am almost to the halfway point. I need $4,000 total. I've been to my consult and I am getting excited. ebay has been slow so I am going to regroup and then go at it again.
Doc: Why do you want new boobs? Do you think it will help your modeling career or is there another reason? Not too long ago on the show they had a girl whose implants actually hurt her chances to get in to certain magazines. Have you looked in to mags that prefer natural boobs?

Jessie: I want a boob job because it will balance out my shape. I am sure it'll help any type of modeling career I have, but mainly it's the added confidence. I have NOTHING. If I was one cup size bigger I wouldn't worry about it. If there was a mag called FLAT I would go for it, but even the natural boobs magazines want some boobs.

Doc: You joined in the dancing when you and Richard were at Scores. Do you hope to become a stripper? Have you ever stripped and are you stripping now?

Jessie: I would love to be able to dance at Scores one day. I think I would be a good stripper. I like to dance and I am good at it. Who knows..... The dancing at Scores is the most I've done.

Doc: Tell us about that first kiss with Richard. What were you thinking when he tried swallowing you?
Jessie: I felt like we were in Jr. High or something surrounded by a group of kids that had never seen a kiss before. It wasn't that bad, but Howard's advice did help.
Doc: Why do you think Richard has such a hard time getting laid?
Jessie: I'm not sure. Maybe because he isn't aggressive enough. Honestly I didn't go back with him not because I didn't want to but because I felt it was the right thing to do. I am sure had he stayed a little longer and flirted some. I more than likely would have gone with him. If a woman wants to sleep with you she will.
Doc: I saw your ebay listing. What else are you doing to raise money?
Jessie: That's it along with listing personal stuff. Any ideas????
Doc: "Try vacuuming.. get a job." .haha  Just kidding. Any behind the scenes stories you can tell us from the Stern show? Anyone you didn't like? Who was your favorite to meet besides Richard?
Jessie: Doug was really cool! He could handle my smart ass comments. I didn't get to chat much aside from on the air. Everyone was cool though. Gary came in and said hi and thanked me for coming. He didn't have to and I thought that was nice.
Doc: Richard said he hadn't had his teeth cleaned in over 11 years before his makeover. How was his hygiene? Did he smell at all? Did you happen to get a whiff of Benji while at the studio?
Jessie: He smelled good! I liked his cologne and his breath was fine. I didn't even see Benji or Fred. I think I only saw Artie because he stands. The studio is a lot different than it looks on TV.
Doc: Thank you ladies. I guess we will just have to keep investigating into this latest Stern show mystery until we uncover the reason for Why can't Richard Christy get laid? or at least until he finally sends me that fucking autograph he promised me over a year ago. Grab one of the dozen self addressed stamped envelopes I sent you this year and send me that autograph in time to include it in the book bitch. Learn from smelly Benjy's mistake. The Doc is not one to fuck with.... but then again what would you know about fucking. haha :)

Visit The Tall Goddess' Site

Visit Jessie's Site