YEAH!!... YEAH!!!...YEAH!!!
What a awesome last two weeks it has been. First Jeff Levy mentions DeansPlanet.Com on the Stern show (something that I had been arranging with Jeff for quite sometime as some payback for Dean allowing me this great forum to tell my stories and to help plug the best site on the web). Then my article about Howard and the gang comes out in the national magazine, Autograph Collector (published AND paid), followed by the in-person signing of a lifetime. Aside from Howard himself signing my ass, (sometimes I lay awake in bed at night and dream of him signing my ass, him drawing that caricature of himself he does and me getting it tattooed after.."Jesus Christ, will you hurry up with that nose!?!") I had had only one in-person signing prior to this past weekend which was two years ago with Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf and Crackhead Bob.

Last Saturday night, May 4th I took my subscriber's copy of AC's June issue (still not out on the stands) to the Funny Bone Comedy Club in Pittsburgh where Stuttering John and company were performing one of their six shows sold-out in the Burgh. I arrived about an hour early and began staking out the joint. As I was walking through the Shops of Station Square I thought they could be shopping here somewhere, maybe getting a coffee. I had my 2 black sharpies, magazine, and camera. I was loaded for Bear, ready for action. Waiting in line to get in I overheard some chick with great boobage say to her other friend with the hot ass, "Who is here tonight?" "Stuttering John", she answered. "Oh, he is on the Howard Stern Show sometimes right?" I was escorted to my seat front and center in the balcony by this fine looking waitress with beautiful eyes and just a hint of nipple outline on the right breast. I ordered my Yuengling and began surveying the premises. There were nothing but hot broads everywhere, hotties throwing down brews, waiting for Stern people. Someone pinch me. I noticed a closed door to the right of me on the way to the restroom. It was almost show time and I figured I better go walk the llama ... (nothing worse than pissing your pants while laughing your ass off: been there, done that!) On my way back from the can I walked by the mystery door and tried the knob. HAHAHAHA It opened. Wonder if they are in there? Screw it. I quickly opened the door ,ducked in and made myself at home. It was a tiny room with a small desk, a few chairs and magazines scattered about, a room where performers waiting to go on stage would hang. This was the place alright but no one was home. Oh well, I figured I better get out of there, didn't want to get thrown out before the show even started.

He took me back through the ropes, through the empty club getting ready for the next show to the backroom where everyone (except for Melrose) was and said, "Hey everyone, this is Sante and he'd like to get a picture with us." John looked up from the desk like a hungry shark smelling blood in the water and a devilish twinkle in his eye, "So YOU are Sante?" Oh oh, here it comes. Knowing that my AC article was coming out soon I had deliberately been hounding him for weeks, emailing the show asking for John's autograph for an article I was doing. Whoever was reading the mail would maybe think that I needed it for my web articles and not for a national magazine. Good prank I though. Who knows if anyone really noticed, I did it for myself and got lots of chuckles out of it. HAHAHAHA "You wrote the article huh?" John went on. He had noticed earlier in the article that KC had personalized his 8x10, To
Sante . "So I guess this picture is going to end up in next month's issue?" I felt like the dude from Almost Famous for a second, back stage on assignment with the band. I must have had a look of terror on my face, still reeling from the "So YOU are Sante?" inquiry because after the picture John shook my hand and said, "I'm just busting your balls." Arty gave me a "See ya later Sante" and I left the room. Damn, I forgot to give Arty the candy bar I brought him. Me and Florentine walked to get a coffee and talked about the show, Crank Yankers, his abortion call, etc... On the way Jim again said to me, "John just likes to bust balls like that, it's just his nature. I wouldn't worry about it." I said to him, "That's cool, it's mine too, wait till he reads the article HAHAHAHAHA."

What a night, an awesome show and a great bunch of guys.

Parking: $5
Cover: $20
Drinks: $12
CDs: $20
John busting my balls: PRICELESS…

Stuttering John: Excellent in-person signer, a kindred spirit, my HERO!!!

Thanks guys!!