It was another fantastic week of Howard Stern radio shows, Live from the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas. Three days jammed packed with exciting bits like retard and porn star bowling, Hollyweird squares, karaoke, family feud, and the Missbuttaface contest to name just a few. Ah….yes….the MissButtaface contest.

A funny thing happened to me on my way to Vegas. To make a long story very short, less than two weeks to go before the Vegas trip Howard announced on the air that time was running out to enter the Missbuttaface contest and that after looking at the ladies who were already in he thought that the "quizessential" Missbuttaface was still out there. Just go up and tell that girl about the contest. It’s the easiest 25 grand some lucky chick is ever going to win. Yeah, Robin added, What’s the worst that can happen? If she is a buttaface, chances are she knows it. That’s right Robin. Damn it, I am going to do it. But first I called the show to make sure it would be ok. Yep, no problem, the intern told me on the phone, girls with deformed faces can enter. I approached the 22 year old lady, the one with the decent body and disfigured face from birth and slowly introduced the idea to her. Would you like to enter a contest to win $25,000? Sure. You would have to fly to Vegas and strut out on stage in a bikini in front of hundreds of people and be judged. Go on. It will be nationally televised. I’m interested. It is a Howard Stern production. I watch him at night on E! I am a fan. Hot damn I thought, this is the coolest thing I have ever done as a Stern fan. This could change her life. Maybe she would win. Maybe a plastic surgeon would step up and offer to help her like the one who offered his services to Cliff Palette. Maybe she would sign the sash and give it to me for The Shrine. They are going to first judge your body, then your face. The worse the face the better. It’s called the Miss Buttaface contest. I am interested but I have to think about it. Cool, well here is the website address, www.howardstern.com, where you can learn more about the contest and here is my phone number if you need any help taking the pics and entering--time is running out.

The very next day I got a call from her mother. My daughter is very interested in entering the contest, could you help her enter? Sure, no problem. If she comes to the office we can take the pics here. She would feel more comfortable if you came to the house. I understand that. I will stop out tomorrow. What is the address? Ok, see you then, bye. With my Polaroid camera loaded and photo mailer already addressed to send her entry to the show off I went to help possibly change this nice young lady’s life. She was dealt a really bad hand. Maybe for the first time in her life something good would result from this mug of hers. Nervously I knocked on the door. Out walked some big angry dude. We need to talk. A few minutes later out stormed a very irrate mother and sister. They were not happy with me. It turns out that I am a fucking pervert, Howard Stern is a fucking pervert, and me asking the girl to be in the contest set her therapy sessions back 3 years. I apologized for the misunderstanding and started to leave. Not so fast. I’m not done telling you what kind of a fucking pervert you are, and what kind of a fucking pervert Howard Stern is. The four of us debated the issue, me trying to tell them I thought it was a nice opportunity for the girl and them calling me a fucking pervert. Finally in disgust the mother left the porch as me and the dude came to an agreement: I would apology to the girl and that would be the end of it. Just then four police cars showed up. He is on my property and I didn’t invite him officer, screamed the mother. I told him to leave and he refused. Criminal trespassing was the case that they gave me. Plead guilty and pay the $350 fine and open myself for a possible civil lawsuit or plead not guilty and pay the attorney even more? The hearing is in two weeks. We plan on calling the buttaface chick to the stand. I’ll try and get some pics.

As much of a non-story as that one is for most Stern fans, Joey Boots takes that honor this year once again . As some of you may remember it was Joey Boots last year in Vegas who alleged that Melrose Larry Greene grabbed his nutsake, a story pretty much completely ignored by Howard. This year again Joey Boots pulled another one of his "Love me daddy" stunts that "fell short of its target."--thank God. As Howard was on stage preparing to sing his karaoke song, Stairway to Heaven, Joey Boots had people huddle around him in the crowd so he could take off his dirty underwear and throw them at Howard. Sources close to the scene said they overheard Joey say that he wanted to try and hang them on Howard’s hooknose. Luckily his filthy underwear only landed on Howard’s knee and they were quickly removed from the stage… but not before Zolar was able to snap a pic of the incident. Knowing how germ phobic Howard is, what kind of a fan would attempt such a stunt? Clearly not a true fan and definitely not someone I would vote for to claim Stuttering John’s job, that is for sure. If Howard decides to cancel any future Vegas trips or other live performances you can thank Joey Boots for that.

No, as much of a disappointment that Joey Boots was this year in Vegas, Zolar was a heaven sent. Not only did he get me some great memorabilia like a bango card (something that Joey Boots was asking $50 for ), two wrist bands, a Daniel Carver business card, and a very interesting Beetlejuice Bash promotion with KC Armstrong’s name on it…hmmmm….he also got me the phone number to Kyle, the 21 year old hot chick who played and won BlackJack for a New Rack!!! Of all the chicks that have received breast implants complements of the show this was the first time I was able to get some contact information of a winner. Yes, when Kyle won it was definitely a shrine-worthy moment and I just had to make that call.

Big thanks to Zolar for helping out again this year with some great new shrine memorabilia from Vegas, and a big thanks to Kyle for the phone interview and autograph.

I thought it would be nice to ask a few people in attendance for a few words and a few stories from Vegas and wack packers Zolar and Cliff Palette were nice enough to comply. Thanks guys.

Here I am back to the old bump and grind. It was a weird week in Vegas. I met quite a few new people during the trip to Vegas and no one seemed to dislike me, not to my face at least . Therefore, it was a great time for all. Turns out that on the first day of the show, a little bit more than midway thru, it seems the smell of Jamaican cologne was wafting thru the air in such an appropriately named club "The Joint". When security honed in on the origin of this alluring scent it seemed to them to be clearly based central to yours truly. When I looked down on the floor as security was eyeballing me I could see smoke rising from the remnants of the substance being utilized by someone unknown to me. Immediately they requested that I follow them, where due to their size I hopped to with no questions asked. I was brought into a security section where I was asked no questions or allowed to tell my side of the story, and completely stripped of my Howard Stern Show credentials. After my compliance I was shown to the door and the only words that were uttered were instructions not to enter the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino again on this day, try tomorrow. I knew better then anyone else not to try to get back into the Hard Rock as Joey Boots and I got thrown out last year for a whole other incident which I won't go into as most of you already know about it. Around 9pm, Las Vegas time, I could no longer contain myself and I headed for the Velvet Rhino. Gaining access to the VIP section I was happy to see all the jumbo shrimp and cocktail sauce in hope that I would get a glimpse of Ba-Ba-Booey trying to indulge. Oddly enough Gary had taken the time to acknowledge that I was there and to thank me for coming. At that point I became quite comfortable and began to enjoy the rest of the evening--until I got a lap dance. While this young lady began to twist and contort her body merely inches from my manhood she felt it necessary to inform me of the tremendous unit her last customer had as she pointed across the room at Shuli. She then continued on to say the only one to come close in this entire club would be that guy as she pointed to Angry Black. Feeling totally emasculated at this point I walked the walk of the Irish over to the bar and drank till I couldn't remember how I got back to the hotel . I should have prefaced this all by saying that when I landed in Vegas I got to the Hard Rock and Dan The Song Parody Man had a cabana waiting for us that was 40 feet from Howard himself. Thanks to Dan.

I found myself with a new outlook after all that had transpired in this short amount of time. Needless to say I fell into the party animal trap at the very start of the next day because 420Rican was Johnny on the Spot when it came to wake and bake. Like a magnet anybody who has anything to do with the Stern Show is drawn to the Circle Bar. As a pleasant surprise to all a beer girl was always available during the show so the drinking continued as we all settled into our spots anxiously awaiting the start of the show. The crowd where the whackpack congregated was filled with strippers and girls trying to get on the show. Not one of them was unwilling to be molested by the whackpack to have a moment near the velvet ropes. So much went on in the crowd that it was a show in itself. The last show was the same mayhem and the stories would go on for pages. It seems that we made such a spectacle of ourselves we were approached by an investor who wanted to make a reality show broadcast live via the internet at www.whackpacklive.com where High Pitch Eric, Beetlejuice, Miss Howard Stern, King of All Blacks, Joey Boots, Big Black, Reverend Bob Levy as well as myself, yours truly, Zolar, will be spoofing other reality shows as well as having the cameras on our living quarters 24/7 making for a reality show of its own. I hope that this is something that you all will enjoy because it will be a living hell for me! Looking forward to reporting from Vegas next year
- Zolar!

Monday night when I got to the Hard Rock Hotel I went directly to the Circle bar where I heard a lot of the people who listen to the Howard Stern show hanging out. I saw Joey Boots who I heard on the show a lot so I walked up to him and told him who I was. He then turned around and announced it to the crowd who I was. That was cool he did that. I met Gary the Retard and John the Stutterer was hanging out at the bar and Jeff the drunk was at the bar getting drunk LOL. After each show I was approach by fans who wanted their pics taken with me. I felt like a star. One girl wanted to show me her fake boobs so she did. I was hanging out with Zolar, Hi Pitch Eric and Double A most of the time. They are cool to hang out with. One night Zolar got some La Vegas Policemen to have Eric pose with them on their motorcycles. Eric was playing with the siren, lights and radar gun too. Eric was having ball. The last night we were there Wack Pack got a limo and we all when to two strip clubs. One club’s name is Deja Yue. It was an all nude club so you had to bring your own booze in. We didn't stay there that long. We then went to the Pleasure Club where BeetleJuice had an appearance at we had so much fun at that club. We all got on stage with Beetlejuice and got our pics taken with him. Hi Pitch Eric got drunk and he almost fell on top on me when he were walking around. We had to leave by that time. But I had so much fun hanging out with the Wack Packer and I'm glad I'm a part of them now.
- Cliff Palette
Cliff's Vegas pics