I was intrigued by the subject of the latest Dean's Planet poll--who is the hottest female sportscaster? It's common knowledge that a lot of us guys have a fetish for such women. We don't want them doing play by play commentary during NFL games (only other men will do), but we have no problems with them reporting on the sidelines--provided they're hot, of
course, and they show off their legs in short skirts.

But it's not just the sport reporters that I like. Fox News is well known for having a bunch of hotties, my two favorites being Laurie Dhue and Jennifer Eccelston. Both of these women make bad news much more palatable--I mean, Laurie Dhue could be on TV saying we're getting nuked by China and I'd be too busy staring at her luscious, glossy lips to even give a shit. And I used to love watching Jennifer Eccelston's reports from Iraq. There's something really HOT about a chick putting herself at risk behind enemy lines to report the news, especially with her tousled hair blowing sexily in the breeze. Hey Jennifer, I've got a "scud missile" for you--and I'm ready to launch that baby in your direction anytime you're ready.

You know another place to find hot women? The Weather Channel. Seriously! Even though they can't predict the weather for shit, at least they have the courtesy to load us up on the eye candy. Those chicks are always bangable--whenever I turn that channel on, it's a pretty safe bet that a "warm front" will be moving right through my pants. (All right, all right--that's enough bad sexual puns for this column. Sorry about that.)

Getting back to the poll, Jillian Barberie ran away with the vote this time around, and it's not hard to see why. Hey man, that's one hot broad. Did you see her appearance on the Vh-1 anthology "I Love the 80's"? Aside from being a babe, she also has a wry, sarcastic sense of
humor and a quick wit. Daddy like! Look, I respect women and all that, but I'd still love to bend that broad over a chair and put it to her Kobe style.

Oh, and speaking of Kobe...

KOBE SEZ "KISS MY PENIS"
Can you believe the nerve of this asshole? As the sordid details of the Kobe Bryant rape hearing have been leaking out, I've been getting more and more pissed off. This man is a fucking prick. I don't know if he's guilty or not, but either way the guy admitted to having sex behind his
wife's back--and why the hell did he need to do that, anyway? He already has a hot wife, and I know plenty of guys that wouldn't mind tapping into that sweet brown sugar. It's hard to have sympathy for a man that's fucking around when he has a piece of ass like that waiting at home for
him.

Aside from that, the alleged victim was pretty tore up after their so-called "consensual" encounter. I don't know about the rest of you, but I've never left a woman sore and bleeding with vaginal tears after I had sex with her--but then again, I'm a Caucasian man, so maybe I'm just jealous. I suppose one could make the argument that she simply wasn't ready for his huge, African bamboo stick, but that doesn't change the fact that he shouldn't have been tapping that ass in the first place.

And how about this whole "kiss my penis" bullshit? This is one of the aspects of the case that makes me tend to believe the victim. As the story goes, Bryant had finished up his "over the chair" encounter and left his "consensual" partner a crying, bleeding mess. So, she tries to
make her escape, only to be stopped by Bryant--who then says to her "kiss my penis". Come on, how can you make up something like that? "Kiss my penis"? That's fucking absurd! When she refused, he pushed her to her knees--even though she could have accomplished the deed standing up--and whipped it out for a goodbye kiss. She should have bitten the thing off
and beaten that motherfucker unconscious with it. What kind of a sick, twisted person do you have to be to rape somebody and then force them to kiss your schlong?

Again, I'm not saying Bryant is guilty of a sexual assault--but if it turns out that he IS, I hope that "kiss my penis" are the first three words he hears in prison... when some crazed inmate decides to make Kobe his personal bitch.

Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

-JTL

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