It's been just over a week since we ended our first ever caption contest here on Dean's Planet, and I'm thinking it's about time I put the bottle down for a few minutes and posted the results. Hopefully, you guys understand what contest I'm referring to. This is assuming, of course, that you weren't so shit-faced the night you wrote out your entries that you don't even remember entering the contest in the first place.

For what it's worth, it was stupid of me to suggest that Dean and I were going to pick the one "best" caption as our winner. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking when I wrote that. For one thing, it's impossible to pick a "best" entry when the submissions we received were funny for completely different reasons. Secondly, neither one of us were prepared for just how many entries we received--there were a hell of a lot of them. I guess I should be flattered by that, especially since I thought it was a distinct possibility that we'd get NO submissions at all. I mean, who would want my old Michael Jackson jacket, anyway? I'm a loser!

Dean and I each picked out our top five favorite submissions, with the ultimate decision being left up to me. So, if you think the winning entry blows chunks and yours was much better, you can go right ahead and blame me. It's okay, really. I actually enjoy hate mail.

Without any further ado, here is the GRAND PRIZE winning entry;

"With a well timed dance move, Jacko adjusts the 9 year
old boy he keeps taped to his thigh."

The entry was written by a guy named Chris Campbell from Philadelphia, who had this to say when I contacted him regarding his stunning victory;

"Can I just say, I'm thrilled and honored to have won the competition. I'm a huge DP fan and this is truly awesome."

Well, look at that! The guy already knows he won and he's still kissing up to us! He deserves some props for that. Besides, he most be a true fan of the site, considering he's even been featured in our Celeb Encounters section with a picture of him and Ron Jeremy! Seeing as how Chris is down with the site, I hit him up with a few more questions;

That was the right answer, Chris, even though I don't think my signature belongs on display next to the likes of Black Sabbath. Hell, it doesn't even belong next to a fucking Pauly Shore autograph. But thanks for entering and congratulations on winning! The jacket will be delivered to you soon, assuming it doesn't crumple into dust before it gets there. I mean, the damn thing IS twenty years old...

I think it's also appropriate to list a few "honorable mentions," seeing as how quite a few of the submissions we received were both cruel and hilarious. A guy from Michigan named Jesse Murphy deserves props for being our runner-up. Jesse turned in this gem, which was one of our top two finalists;

"Michael shows off all the head room in his new kiddy theater."

That one was wrong on so many levels that I just had to post it. If we had two jackets to give, this guy would have gotten the other one. But unfortunately, I was only stupid enough to buy one 'Beat It" jacket. So, Jesse will have to settle for a plug of his website--he's a huge fan of Detroit Pistons great Isiah Thomas, and has an online shrine to him HERE. Check it out if you're so inclined.

Here's a few more of our favorites;

"What makes Michael grow? Ch-ch-ch-children!"
(Sent in By Kelli Clemons)

"I may promote the virtue, strength and unity of the African American
community but you sho' nuff one sexy white woman. DAMN! baby."
(Sent in by Julio McVicker)

OR....

"There are no boys in prison so you may have to settle for short men."
(Sent in by "Dullville")

Thanks again to all who entered. I enjoyed coming home at night and laughing at your submissions over a few beers. (Okay, so maybe it was more than a "few".) Maybe we'll have more contests in the future. In the meantime, Jacko's still a free man. Do you know where your children are???

-JTL

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