While watching the new FUTV Vol. 1 DVD the other night, one thing became instantly clear. These guys are willing to do ANYTHING for a laugh. The result is a rather intense viewing experience, chock-full of debauchery, criminal acts, blood, sex and comedy. Actually, "comedy" is too simple a word to describe what you'll see on this DVD. Their comedic tactics have more in common with guerilla warfare than anything else. And at just under two hours, these guys make damn sure you're going to get your money's worth out of their DVD. They'll get you to laugh your ass off, too--even if it kills them.

If that last sentence came off as a joke, you obviously haven't seen FUTV. Trumpeted as "ten years in the making", producers Dick Stone and John Trouble have taken the art of fucking with people to a whole new level. But sometimes, you have to suffer for your art. Before all was said and done, they had to deal with lawsuits, arrests and more than a few ass whippings just so their twisted creation could finally see the light of day. Was it all worth it? Time will tell, but I got the feeling while watching the DVD that these guys won't stop doing this kind of shit until they're famous or behind bars. Whichever comes first. Stone and Trouble hold nothing back here, and instinctively know that in comedy, nothing is sacred. Take "Mormon Tackling", for example. The scene goes like this... two Mormons are riding their bicycles down the street, minding their own business and doing missionary work like the good Christians they are. As they cross the street at a stop light, Trouble comes out of nowhere and attempts to tackle their religious asses right in the middle of the road. (All on camera, of course.) The first time, the Mormons manage to escape--but not before being warned by Dick Stone to not spread the word of God in their neighborhood. The second time doesn't go quite as well for the Mormons, as Trouble takes one down and... get this... tries to STEAL HIS BIKE. I've seen some funny shit in my day, but up until now I'd never seen two Mormons attempt to beat the shit out of ex-Marine bike thief. Fucking hilarious! I've already made up my mind--the next time a Jehovah's witness bangs on my door and wakes me up some Sunday morning, I'm pulling a John Trouble and taking that prick down. Thanks for the idea, guys.

Puking plays a big part in the DVD as well. Dick Stone had mastered the art of bulimia during his competitive wrestling days, and now has the ability to vomit on demand. It's a skill he puts to good use. One great scene has Stone on the second level of a crowded cruise ship, where he
proceeds to purposely puke over the railing onto the horrified passengers below. I can't begin to tell you how fucking funny this is. People have a very distinct reaction to being puked on, which is captured on tape in all its glory. Once they realize Stone is doing it on purpose, the crowd begins to chant "asshole" until security drags him away.

And let's not forget "Mullet Hunting", in which Stone and Trouble ambush some random loser on the street, snip off his mullet and haul ass with it. A lively scuffle ensues over the captured mullet, but they eventually emerge victorious, with Trouble proudly holding up his trophy
and declaring it as a "four incher". I especially enjoyed hearing Wesley Willis' classic tune "Cut The Mullet" playing over the scene. That was a nice touch that added greatly to the proceedings. Besides, they used this song (along with many others) with absolutely no permission and I
can dig that.

Actually, the whole "no permission" factor is a running theme in the DVD. Most of the people we see on FUTV have no idea they've become underground celebrities. There's "Nigga", an elderly Asian guy so-named because of his mispronunciation of the word "neighbor". Nigga hangs out at the FUTV yard sale, where's he tempted into smoking a little reefer with the guys. (Incidentally, this is the first yard sale I've ever seen with an "Adult" section, complete with a curtain for privacy, porno magazines and even a five minute browsing limit.) Then there's Trixie, a hooker with horrible-looking fake tits who's used as a human canvas to paint the FUTV logo on. Why? Because, as John Trouble explains in the DVD, "I've always wanted to paint a whore yellow". That same hooker is later dumped by the side of the road, still covered in paint, with nowhere to get clean. And you know something? I don't think they paid her. Bastards.

Other supporting characters include Bert, a constantly drunk black guy who wears snake skin shoes and claims to be the father of Tupac Shakur.... Snaggle Tooth Wonder Woman, a physically disabled skank with four teeth whom they find in a sleazy bar and lure back to Dick's place by the promise of free weed.... Vegas Paul, a hairy, shirtless guy who is an expert on crack whores... Last (and definitely least), there's John Wayne Bobbitt, who continues to make an excellent case for being the most embarrassing person who's ever lived. Bobbitt was originally slated to appear on Fox TV's celebrity boxing, but got arrested for beating his wife before he could tape the show. Desperately needing money, Bobbitt accepted Dick Stone's offer to engage him in a fistfight for the FUTV cameras. But before the fight could be filmed, Bobbitt was arrested for spousal abuse (again) and thrown back in jail. You know, I always thought having your cock cut off would be the low point of ANYBODY'S life, but Bobbit has proven me wrong. The depths to which this man is willing to sink is staggering.

If any of this sounds funny to you, FUTV Vol. 1 should definitely be in your collection. I mean, seriously, if the thought of secretly videotaping your buddy while he fucks a fat chick in a parking lot strikes you as humorous, this is clearly a DVD you need to own. Or if you'd enjoy the sight of John Trouble hurling Taco Bell food at McDonald's employees while shouting "YOU GUYS SHOULD STICK TO MAKING BURGERS", I can pretty much guarantee that you'll love this DVD. On top of all this, you'll get plenty of violent fistfights, random exploitation, blowjobs from hookers and even a few shots of women flashing their tits thrown in for good measure. Essentially, these guys took the lowest common denominator and lowered the bar a few more notches. And I mean that in a good way.

Even better, both Dick Stone and John Trouble are down with DeansPlanet.com and visit the site often. We all seem to share the same demented sense of humor, which probably won't surprise any of our readers. With that in mind, check out the following interview and remember, kids--don't try this shit at home. No, fuck that... DO try this at home. Just don't forget to capture it on video and send these guys the tape.

THE INTERVIEW --->