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DeansPlanet.Com <--- The Greatest Website Of All Time ---> Jeremy The Loner: FU.tv DVD Review & Interview
 

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by Jeremy, staff writer
DP Columns / Jeremy The Loner
FU.tv DVD Review & Interview
 
Jeremy the Loner: First off, how did you guys come across DeansPlanet.com and what do you think about it?
John Trouble: Like all other "artists" in the extreme entertainment genre, we strive to get on Howard Stern, that's what led us to Dean's Planet. The sense of humor of the site is also similar to ours, so we think Dean's Planet visitors will also love our material.
JTL: You've been fucking with people on camera since 1990. What made you decide to finally bring the FUTV concept to the masses?
Trouble: Egomania and a healthy lust for cash. You can only sit around so long knowing how fucking clever you are before you want to prove it to everyone else and get rich in the process.

Dick Stone: Thanks to MTV, the world was finally introduced to shock humor. Thanks to FUTV it was finally time to show the world how far shock humor should go.
JTL: Whose idea was it to hire John Wayne Bobbitt for the DVD, and how did that go down?
Dick: I met Bobbitt at our attorney's office. I was there to subpoena my casino arrest footage so I could use it in the video. He was there for beating up his wife AGAIN. I asked him if he wanted to fight a man for a change, and we instantly became friends... so he thought. We paid him to
fight.. not just to be in our video. It's hard to find Celebrities willing to bareknuckle fistfight, and sometimes you have to spend a little money. Luckily Bobbitt's a loser and comes real cheap.
JTL: You gotta give us at least one good Bobbitt story...
Dick: He's locked up right now in maximum security getting fucked in the ass. I'm looking after his wife while he's away... which does sometimes include fucking her in the ass. How's that for a story? If you don't believe me, watch the DVD bonus feature "Bobbitt Behind Bars."
JTL: Does having your own DVD make it easier to get laid?
Trouble: Definately, now that fat bitches know that I'll fuck them, they've been lumbering out of the woodwork. I may need to get a bigger front seat though. Dick: I get better deals from Crack Whores, who want to be in the next FUTV video. (Crack Baby Picture)
JTL: Where the hell did you find some of those people like Snaggle Tooth Wonder Woman, Crazy Carito and Vegas Paul, crack whore connoisseur?
Trouble: We're willing to live in dangerous cracked out neighborhoods, to bring you quality entertainment that you deserve. Most people just drive by the dregs of scociety trying not to make eye contact. We on the other hand see them as an untapped rescourse just waiting to be
exploited for our wealth and amuzement.

Dick: FUTV is now my only means of income, so I have to live in the hood. All of those people were from our neighborhood.
JTL: Did you know that guy you attacked during the "Mullet Hunting" segment? That motherfucker fought valiently to save his stolen mullet.
Trouble: The East Sahara Mullethead is known to be quite vicious when cornered in his natural habitat. The sport of Mullet Hunting is not for the faint of heart or weak of will. Dick: He socked me up pretty good, but it's only because I had both hands full, one with scissors and the other with his mullet. Never saw him again, but we still have the mullet.
JTL: You guys say you were arrested three times during the making of FUTV Vol. 1. What shit got you into the most trouble?
Dick: Just recently when Local Police and FBI began investigating our video. Metro Police searched our house, but we were ready for them. CBS did a story, and our faces were all over the Local News. I lost my dayjob, but that's cool cuz it sucked anyways! Coincidentally, I secretly video taped my hilarious last day and the firing, for FUTV Vol 2
JTL: Did any of you guys bang Trixie, the hooker you painted and dumped by the side of the road? It looked like "Tupac's Daddy" Bert wanted a slice of that...
Trouble: Like it shows in the video, Bert wanted to shove a large piece of metal in her ass, which may have just been his idea of foreplay. But, no, none of us were that drunk that day and she looked even more disgusting in person than on camera. Maybe it was the thin glaze of
persperation that results from too much meth.

Dick: I got a blow job a few weeks later. When I asked about the custom paintjob we gave her, she told me the spraypaint had to be cut out of her hair. Then I kicked her out of my truck AGAIN and didn't pay AGAIN.
 
JTL: Both you and John Trouble have scenes in the DVD where you're secretly videotaping yourselves getting busy with fat chicks. Do either of these chicks know they're stars on FUTV?
Dick: No, and since I was wearing a wolf mask, I don't think my fatty will recognize me, at least she couldn't point me out in court.

Trouble: Yes, but mine is far too embarrassed to bring a lawsuit against us. Our attorney has less moral fiber than we do and would no doubt drag her sorted and deviant sexual history into the public eye, much like Kobe's accuser.
JTL: What are you guys going to do when this DVD takes off and sales go through the roof? You've gotta know that EVERYBODY will be out to sue your asses off.
Dick: Sergaent Trouble is a Trained U.S. Assasin, specializing in Torture and Mayhem. I believe he will tharwt all future attempts to bring legal action against FUTV in his own unique way.

Trouble: Once we kill off the first couple people, everyone else will fall in line. We should be able to get away with at least a couple murders since we're caucasian, but if all else fails I'm sure you guys could recommend a nice tropical non-extradition country.
JTL: What would you say to a Dean's Planet reader (or anyone else) who asks why they should buy your DVD, as opposed to all the "Jackass" wanna-be shit that's flooding the market right now?
Dick: Jackass thought it was funny to hurt themselves, we proves it's funnier to hurt other people. Also, the Jackass guys were gay, that show "WildBoyz" proves how gay they really are. Plus we offer a money back gaurantee. If FUTV Vol. 1 isn't the funniest video you've ever seen, we will give you your money back!

Trouble: I'd say that you're not going to be disappointed. What sets us apart is that we've held nothing back to put out the most deviant and wonderful product. We've embarrassed ourselves and burned every bridge in our lives. We've opened the door for civil and criminal
repercussions. Who else does all that and offers you the twisted results for less than 20 bucks?
JTL: Can you tell us a few details about the upcoming FUTV Vol. 2 DVD that's in the works?
Trouble: Why fuck with a winning formula, there's going to be more sex, more violence, more sadistic manipulation and more fucking with the man and his severed penis. You'll see pirates fight ninjas, rampant drug use and much more vomiting.

Dick: More Sick, Hilarious and twisted shit! Plus, Bobbitt gets paroled March 2003, and he's moving in with us. I'm sure we will have another Celebrity fistfight, once he finds out I've been fucking his wifey! Thanks for the interview. Glad you loved the DVD. DeansPlanet Rules.
Rest in Piss.

Thanks to Dick and John for the interview and for hooking us us with the DVD. I hope everybody picks up a copy, because it kicks ass and let's face it, fucking with people is a noble cause. Visit their official website, buy the DVD and do your part in contributing to the decay of society. Trust me, debauchery has never been this fun.

-JTL

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