"There's something wrong with the world today, I don't know what it is. Something's wrong with our eyes..."           -Aerosmth, 1993

Ahhh, what troubled times we live in.

The inevitable war with Iraq is looming, which has half of the world's panties in a bunch while the rest of us wait to see what happens next. Our president is faced with the unenviable task of making the right decision in what has clearly become a case of "damned if you do, damned
if you don't."

But we're fortunate to live in a country filled with so many brilliant political minds. Some of them are SO DAMN BRILLIANT, they feel they're better qualified than our own President to make these tough decisions. Let us reflect for a moment on the words of one of our greatest ambassadors of good will, Jeff Spicoli.... er, Sean Penn.

In an open letter to president Bush that was printed in the Washington Post, Penn wrote (among other things):

"Many of your actions to date and those proposed seem to violate every defining principle of this country over which you preside: intolerance of debate ('with us or against us'), marginalization of your critics, the promoting of fear through unsubstantiated rhetoric, manipulation of a quick comfort media, and position of your administration's
deconstruction of civil liberties all contradict the very core of the patriotism you claim. You lead, it seems, through a blood-lined sense of entitlement."

Pardon me for a few moments while my blood pressure drops to a safe level.....

(Three beers later)

Okay, celebrities... you're against a war in Iraq. That's nice. It's funny, though, because I can't help but think how different this situation would be if your idol Bill Clinton were still in office. These same people that are currently calling for Bush's head are the same ones who lined up to kiss Clinton's ass all during his presidency. One president could do no wrong in their diluted minds.... one can do no right. Clinton could have had a threesome with Monica
Lewinsky and Gennifer Flowers in the middle of Times Square wearing a HILLARY SUXX t-shirt and they'd STILL worship the ground the man walks on. Fucking hypocrites.

They're entitled to their opinions. I'm not even going to say they're wrong for being a little worried about this whole situation. My beef with them is that they're SO ARROGANT, they actually think anybody should give a flying fuck what they think. Why would we??? They're only entertainers and most of them barely graduated high school. Why should
the media give THEM an outlet for their rhetoric as opposed to, say, Mrs. Thompson's sewing circle in Terre Haute, Indiana?

Here's a newsflash for Hollywood--just because you're in the public eye, that doesn't mean your opinion is any more valid than anyone else's. Truth be told, it's probably LESS valid... some of us don't get to live in golden palaces surrounded by limos and heaps of money. Some of us still have to live in the real world, where we understand that sticking flowers in the barrels of guns won't solve the worlds ills.

Oh, but everything is Bush's fault, right? Gee, if only he weren't such a big, war-mongering bully... let me guess, if Al Gore had been elected all of our troubles would be over. There would be no terrorism and all the world leaders could gather at the U.N., join hands and sing a rousing rendition of "It's A Small World After All."

Open your eyes, you fucking idiots and join us back here in the real world. Spouting your bullshit isn't doing anybody any favors.

You'll have to forgive me if I put a little more faith in Colin Powell's opinion than Alec Baldwin's. (And by the way, Alec, didn't you vow to leave the country if Bush was elected? I'm still waiting for you to make good on that promise... hell, I'll even help you pack.) But Baldwin is just one of many, many offenders. Here's a few more on my shit list;

MARTIN SHEEN: Hey Martin, you aren't a president, you only play one on TV. I just wanted to clear that up for you, as you seem to be getting a little confused in your old age.

BARBRA STEISAND: Not being a gay man, I can't take anything this stupid old broad says seriously. She hates president Bush and will continue to hate him, regardless of what he does. The man could single-handedly rescue a group of orphans from a burning building and she'd still find a way to bitch about him. Hey Babs, bite me.

MIKE FARRELL: I guess Mike thinks that since he was on M*A*S*H twenty years ago, he's now an expert on war and foreign matters. I didn't realize that being a washed-up actor automatically means that you have political savvy. Gee, I was the lead in my high school play some years ago... going by Farrell's logic, I guess that makes me qualified to run
for mayor! WHOO-HOO!

SEAN PENN: I know I ragged on him earlier, but this dude REALLY pisses me off. He's never at a loss for an opinion, and for many years he's labored under the delusion that we actually give a shit. Sean, there's only one subject I'd be interested in hearing your opinion on... WAS MADONNA A GOOD FUCK?? DOES SHE GIVE GOOD HEAD??? Because I must admit I'd love to hear your viewpoint on that. Otherwise, shut the hell up.

Before I end this tirade, please understand that I'm aware my opinion doesn't mean anything, either. War is coming and there's no way of getting around that--but in the meantime, I'll draw my own conclusions and not be influenced by a bunch of brainless celebrities that haven't got a clue. Some of us are worried about the state of the world--but I have a sneaking suspicion that THEIR primary concern is how much media attention their little protest rallies are getting... and whether or not they look good on TV while participating in said protests.

Call it a hunch.