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by Jeremy, staff writer

DP Columns / Jeremy The Loner

Ripping It Up With Mr. Methane

Jeremy the Loner: So, what's new in the world of Mr. Methane these days?

Mr. Methane: I'm still farting around bringing a new meaning to that old saying Same Shit Different Day. The big news is that I've just had a downstairs toilet fitted so now the Methane household has a shithouse on both floors.

JTL: Whose idea was it to produce the "Lets Rip!" DVD and how did that come about?

Mr. Methane: I did a few videos before "Let's Rip!" but none of them captured the true atmosphere of actually seeing me live and in action so I never released them on a wide scale. In a sense I had become very disappointed or at least apprehensive about giving it another try. Then my product partner Barrie Barlow who also wrote and recorded the music and also produces my albums got both production and distribution companies interested. We went for it and the result was that we got a masterpiece, a true Motion Picture in every sense of the word.

JTL: Are there any Mr. Methane groupies? Please tell me there are.

Mr. Methane: Yes there are, they like to remain anonymous but they all enjoy a good blow!! Part of the problem is that Ladies don't think I'm actually contactable but all they have to do is drop me a line at mrmethane@mrmethane.com and if we hit it off I'll be fiddling around with their laughing tackle in no time at all. I'm particularly interested in hearing from ladies with deepthroat skills as well as those who like it round the back so to speak.

JTL: Did any of the unknowing participants of your Candid Butt-Pipe Shockers segments react angrily to your kamikaze fart attacks?

Mr. Methane: I'm pleased to say we didn't have any angry reactions although I was always conscious we might. We caused a security alert at Preston Coach / Bus Station because security thought we were IRA terrorists and we generally were not that welcome in the large malls or
stores whose corporate owners tend to be wary of anything that might be a criticism of them or their product. That's why we abandoned Preston and went to Blackpool, a seaside town that has a good proportion of crazy lunatics knocking about so we didn't stand out so much and also it
welcomes media and publicity activity on its sidewalks, It was a marriage made in heaven.

JTL: Your DVD takes great pains to assure the viewers that all of the "colon coughs" contained within are 100% real. Was this done to discourage any possible Milli Vanilli type accusations of studio "sweetening" or fart trickery?

Mr. Methane: I said let's put it on there because it is real and if the trading standards people make a fuss we can prove that it is real. The publicity for the DVD that going to court and showing the judge how I deliver the goods by control of my sphincter would bring is priceless.

JTL: Do you think fart humour will ever be truly mainstream?

Mr. Methane: Believe it or not it already is over here. The TV nowadays is full of toilet related gags even on the kids shows where they currently have a fictional continuity link character called Gas Geeza. It would be nice to think my numerous appearances on UK TV shows from
the adult evening genre like "James Whale", "Eurotrash" & "Tarrant On TV" to Saturday morning kids shows like "Scratchy And Co" have helped to kick the doors open for other comedy artistes to perform fart related gag material on UK TV screens but there again it could just be the fact
that we Brits are obsessed with the toilet and toilet humour and eventually something had to give.

JTL: What's up with the super hero costume? Are you trying to protect your mild-mannered alter ego?

Mr. Methane: Yes you're exactly right. It was felt that my farting capability was super human and therefore I should change from Paul Oldfield into Mr. Methane in the same manner that Clark Kent changes into Super man.

JTL: Any chance that your DVD's brilliant music video "We Love You, Mr.Methane" will be released here as a single in the States? There's a serious lack of fart-related music on the charts these days.

Mr. Methane: We did send a copy to MTV but somehow they have gone far too serious with all this rap & hip hop stuff. Bob Babbit the Motown Bass player said that in his Detroit Motown days he played music that made people want to get up and dance but now they play music that makes
people want to go outside and shoot someone and I honestly do think this is the problem. Comedy has a place in music even if some musicians feel it degrades their artistic accomplishments the truth is that a lot of the happy feeling songs like YMCA have an element of subtle comedy wound up inside of them that makes them the feel good songs they are. We used to have loads of really good, cheesy, novelty summer songs over here in the UK during the 70's and 80's and they all had a feel good factor about them that just isn't around anymore. I just hope that one day the "Cut The Cheese" track you're talking about brings about a revival in feel good music and if it does I wouldn't want a Billboard No1 as I'd much prefer a No2.

JTL: Do you have a day job, or is your ass paying all of the bills? Do you think you'll truly be able to tell your grandchildren some day, "I made a living by farting?"

Mr. Methane: I've been living off my ass full time now for nearly 12 years doing live shows that hopefully bring farting out of the closet and spread the joy of controlled anal voicing. It was always been my intention to tell my grandchildren "I made a living by farting" and even if I retire tomorrow I think I can now legitimately do that. You know there are less performing flatulists than there are astronauts.

JTL: How reliable is your "instrument" during live shows? I mean, seriously, does your ass ever have an "off" night where you're not firing on all cylinders? And if so, what do you do about it?

Mr. Methane: Just like the legendary Van Morrison I can have the odd off day! And although I always try my hardest some shows are better than others. It can be down to heat in the venue causing your buttocks to stick together, the local water or food upsetting ones bodily functions. Also if you have to large a turd in the bomb bay you cannot hold the long elongated notes as it takes up room in your colon that could otherwise be used for farting, however a small turd can be useful as a wedge in the door and enable rapid colon recharging via the sphincter. Too runny and your sphincter wants to stay shut as the poo can act like glue and you don't want to go for those long notes either. Its all quite a science trying to judge when to eat and when to crap etc but it's all done in the cause of art, or is it fart?

JTL: Your flatulent tomfoolery has taken you to venues all over the world, where your unique talents are always loved and appreciated (sort of like an Anal Ambassador of goodwill)... could an audience with the Queen be far off? Could "Sir" Mr. Methane be in the cards?

Mr. Methane: Although she probably blames it on the Corgis I do know the Queen farts so she should have a certain empathy with my endeavors and after considering some of the people over here that have been getting knighthoods recently I think you're possibly correct.

JTL: What can we expect from you in the future? More CDs? More DVDs? A major motion picture? Fill us in!

Mr. Methane: I'd still like to do the Broadway show that Howard has been talking about that would be fun if we could get it together. I'd also like to do some more recording, maybe a hip hop / rap album as a lot of those guys are far too serious and need the piss taking out of themselves. OK I might get shot but then that would just prove my point that some of them just don't have a sense of humour. I'm not saying that rap or hip hop is crap or anything, I would only attempt something I actually like and enjoy doing.

Thanks to Mr. Methane for the interview, as well as the DVD and autographed photo. Drop me a line the next time you're near Detroit so I can catch the show and buy you a beer!

Be sure to drop by his official website and pick up a copy of the DVD. It's funny as hell. Besides, you'll have the satisfaction of knowing that you're helping Mr. Methane spread the cause of "anal anarchy" to converts all over the world.

-JTL

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