Six nominations for Jay-Z and Beyonce. Five for Justin Timberlake, including one for "Album of the Year" for his faggoty opus "Justified". Throw in a few nominations for the likes of 50 Cent, OutKast and Missy Elliot, and we have an even more pitiful list of Grammy nominations than last year. And to think I thought it couldn't get any worse.

Look, I realized a long time ago there was no accounting for taste where it pertains to the shit that people choose to listen to. Take country music, for example--here we have a genre of music dominated by brainless, Nascar-watching hicks who sing with annoying twangs in their voices and wear retarded cowboy hats. I'd rather saw my cock off with a red hot steak knife than listen to that shit. But for some inexplicable reason, people are willing to spend good money on concerts and CDs, making these country singers millionaires in the process. They should send some of that cash to me. After all, I can write shitty songs and sing in an annoying voice, too.

But at least I can pretty much avoid country music. The thing that really depresses me is how bad mainstream music has gotten. This may surprise some of you, but once upon a time, MTV was cool. No, really, it was! Once upon a time, there were no "Real World" and "Cribs" marathons--they played videos 24 hours a day, and some of those videos even had (*gasp!*) white people in them. These days, the closest thing to a white person you'll see on MTV is Justin Timberlake, who obviously wishes he were black. And while we're on the subject of Justin the Wonder Pansy, how the FUCK is this guy a sex symbol??? Has this dude even gone through puberty yet? Considering some of the high-pitched screeching he showcased on such hits as "Cry Me A River", I'm guessing no. And this shit gets nominated for a Grammy? Give me a fucking break. Some of you music-buying nitwits need to be killed off before you breed.

It's hard to believe that anything could be worse than "artists" like Michael Bolton, but this year's Grammy nominations prove otherwise. It all comes down to this--if your CD sells an obscene amount of copies to idiots who don't know any better, you'll get nominated for a Grammy. Or if you're an artist that used to be good twenty years ago (like Santana), or one that dies (like George Harrison or Warren Zevon), they might throw you a bone and give you a few nominations. Do you really think Warren or George would have been nominated had they not died? Fat chance, even though they may very well have deserved it. But the fact is, the quality of your music has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with being nominated... and if you think differently, you need a major fucking reality check. The industry is designed to make you into a whore--and when it's done with you, you'll be tossed aside like a used condom and forgotten about. Think about it--how many Grammy winners from the mid-90's are still making music today? How many of them do people even remember anymore? Pretty damn few, I can tell you that.

I realize how pissed off and bitter this column must sound. But you have to understand that I really love music. I grew up listening to The Beatles and the great classic rock from the 60's to the 80's. It's so sad to me that someone like Avril Lavigne can score a Grammy nod for that piece of shit "I'm With You". If it were up to me, every kid in America would have a copy of Beatle albums like "Revolver" and "The White Album". They'd have "Led Zepplin IV" and "Dark Side of the Moon". Hell, I'd even throw in a Duran Duran CD and maybe a little Def Leppard "Pyromania". Because it's depressing for me to think that kids today are growing up listening to the mindless, repetitve shit that's out there now--and even more depressing to think this shit is being honored by that fucking joke known as the Grammys.

I said it last year, but it definitely bears repeating--SCREW THE GRAMMYS!!!

-JTL

Got something to say? E-mail me HERE