So, it happened again--just when you thought it was safe to commute to work.

Another terrorist attack, this time perpetrated against our buddies in the UK. There's been speculation as to why it happened when it did, although most people think the G8 summit is to blame. ("Oh, so you wanna discuss giving financial aid to Africa, do you? I DON'T THINK SO, YOU FUCKING INFIDELS!!!") Personally, I am of the opinion that it doesn't even matter what the fucking "reason" is. We're dealing with people that are stupid enough to believe they're somehow doing "Allah's work," so what difference does it make as to what their motives are? Yeah, that makes loads of sense--I'm sure Allah just LOVES it when you blow up busses and kill people for no reason. I'm sure he sits there cheering "Yeah, kill those bastards and their children, too! Then, blow yourselves up so we can party here in paradise!" Well, if that's the God that you believe in, your God sucks. And you're a fucking idiot.

But I'll tell you what's REALLY bothering me. It's not enough that these assholes are killing innocent people, they're also succeeding in making us look bad while they're doing it. You know, before 9/11 I actually had faith in our government's intelligence capabilities. I now believe that the CIA is so clueless as to what the fuck's going on, they couldn't figure out how to pour piss out of a boot--even with instructions on the heel.

I was watching the news coverage of the London bombings and I couldn't believe some of the shit I was seeing. As much as it pains me to say this, I think the terrorists must be laughing their asses off watching us run around like chickens with no heads (or balls). Not to worry, though--our illustrious Secretary of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff was there to allay our fears and make it all better. Chertoff urged Americans to "stay vigilant" if we wanted to thwart any further terrorist activities. Oh, okay, that clears it all up for me. Thanks for the great tip there, fucko. I'd love to sit down with him one-on-one and discuss exactly what the fuck it means to be "vigilant."

JEREMY: "Um, Mr. Secretary? I'd like to get on a bus and take a trip downtown, but I'm worried that I might get blown up. What should I do?"

CHERTOFF: "Don't worry, young man. We want everybody to go about their business just as they always do. Just try to be vigilant."

JEREMY: "I'm not sure what you mean by that, sir. Can you clarify it a bit?"

CHERTOFF: "Just be vigilant, you know."

JEREMY: "No, I don't know. That's why I'm asking you."

CHERTOFF: "Well... uh... when you get on the bus, be on the lookout for bombs and things. And if something should explode, calmly bring it to the attention of the bus driver."

JEREMY: "Oh, I see. Is there anything else I should look out for?"

CHERTOFF: "Yes, be vigilant if you see any Arabic men hanging around. Especially ones with bombs."

JEREMY: "That's going to be tough, sir. There's a huge Arabic population in this area."

CHERTOFF: "Okay, so beware of Arabic men with shifty eyes and frowns on their faces. Especially ones carrying bombs."

JEREMY: "Oh, so is that what being 'vigilant' entails?"

CHERTOFF: "Yes, son. Glad to be of help to you."

I'll tell you something else--this color coded "threat level" idea is downright embarrassing. Since the London bombings, the threat level has raised from yellow (or ELEVATED) to orange (or HIGH). But it hasn't been raised everywhere, mind you--just for the mass transit systems. Just to clarify here, if you get on, say, the subway, you're at a HIGH risk for being blown up. The rest of us just face an ELEVATED risk of being killed. So what is the fucking difference between HIGH and ELEVATED, you ask? The difference is really quite simple--it's BILLIONS AND BILLIONS of extra tax dollars going down the drain, even though there's no specific threat to speak of. In fact, I'd hazard to guess that's it's actually SAFER to get on the subway right now. I mean, do you REALLY think the terrorists would strike our mass transit systems now, knowing that we're lying in wait for them? Fuck no, they'd strike somewhere that's completely unrelated... like a shopping mall or some shit. These terrorist scumbags are heartless, cruel and evil; but that doesn't mean they're stupid. Their beliefs are stupid, of course, but that doesn't necessarily mean THEY are. I wish our government would wake the fuck up and stop treating us like children." Just admit that you have no idea where they're going to strike next and you have no idea how to protect us. Don't try to appease us by using pretty colors and vague, cryptic warnings that don't amount to dogshit.

I also like how the "color coded" system has a level green, for SAFE. I think it's pretty damn funny, because it's useless. There's no way the government would ever declare that we're SAFE from terrorists. Hell, even if there were no active plots against the USA, they'd almost HAVE to strike at us then, if only out of spite. And the blue level (or GUARDED) is completely worthless, too, because it's just another way of saying ELEVATED... isn't it? Yeah, and this stupid system is somehow supposed to protect us? Ahhh, the illusion of safety.

Don't get me wrong, I love my country--but our government is letting these asshole terrorists make fools out of us. The truth is, we're all just sitting ducks, dreading the day they decide to hit us again. We aren't safe. They have no idea of how to make us safe. And they think we're too stupid to handle it. That's the truth... and yes, it hurts.

-JTL

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