Jessica Jessica Jessica. I hate to admit it but I watched pretty much the whole Divas Live show on VH1. Before you call me a homo, let me explain. First of all, I know that Dean loves and talks about Jessica Simpson non stop and after watching this show, I am convinced that this chic is a true talent in a sea of female pop star losers. A lot of old 80's losers were in attendance, including Cindy Lauper, Patti Labelle, Debbie Harry and Shelia E, oh yeah and gay icon Tom Jones made an appearance.

Here is my 2004 VH1 Divas Live recap::

• Thanks to Eve, yes a rapper was there, for ruining Blondie's Rapture. Enough with the "what up yalls" for the love of God.
• Joss Stone is one sexy bitch. She is like Fionna Apple only cuter with more soul and meat on her bones. Her long curly blonde locks had me going ow ow owuh uh ow wow.
• Ashanti did OK on her first performance where she sang, "I'm comin out" which was originally supposed to be sung by Missy Elliot.. get it?
• Tyra Banks came out and talked some shit about how the show raised all this money for some stupid fund to keep music in schools. The only thing I cared about was how she sounded in her enunciation and the low cut purple dress she had on which exposed her beautiful, ample bosom.
• That wacko from the Fat Greek Wedding crap came out and mangled her introduction for Cindy Lauper. It was at this point I started to wonder if any of these people rehearsed for the show. What followed was a performance by Lauper that was absolutely dreadful. She said she was singing a new song from her new album but it was that stupid 50's song "Stay, just a little bit longer". Yeah that album is going to do well. Then in another unintentionally comedic moment, Lauper invited Patti Labelle out to sing Time After Time and he mic wasn't working HA HA HA. They should have kept it off because Patti fucked up the words about 20 times and it looked like she never heard the song. She did that trick where she waited to hear what Cindy sang, then Patti repeated it. It was awful. At a couple points Cindy forgot the words. When she forgot the words, Patti at least would sorta just hum a long, when Cindy forgot she kinda mumbled and acted like nobody noticed.

• Jamie Lynn whatever came out and introduced Jessica Simpson. It seems that the Soprano star was anorexic, but apparently along with weight, she lost her last name. Simpson sang her heart out and appeared angelic in her performance of Take My Breathe Away. Her vocals could only be matched by X-tina, but it is her natural beauty and demeanor which stands far above the rest. She then sang a rendition of the Robbie Williams bore, "I'm Loving Angels Instead" which she transformed into a powerful song.
• Patti Lebelle came back out and sang for about 15 minutes. It was entertaining because she kept ad libbing in the middle of her songs. She thanked someone for the flowers. She mentioned that this is all for the kids and asked for the people to give a hand to the band in the back up singers, she also said "I recorded this song about 25 years ago", HA HA. And she kept using her name in the third person, saying things like, "Miss Patti loves ya". During her performance, I took a leak and I was able to run to the convenience store and get a gallon of iced tea, she was still wailing away when I returned!
• Thank God Patti shut up because it was time for the Pussy Cat Dolls. The lead chic whom I have never seen before was hot as hell, even hotter than Carmen Elecktra!! They all took their turn at singing some song which I can't remember because I was looking at booty. Even Carmen tried to sing, but nobody cared because they all looked so freakin hot. They then introduced gay icon Tom Jones who totally buzzkilled the whole event. Hopefully he made a little bit of dough so he can go back to his surgeon to fix his face.
  
• Debbie Harry came out once again and attempted to entertain the audience but once again failed miserably. This was another potty break for me. I really didn't have to go but I sat down and tried to push something out while I read the new Maxim mag. Unfortunately I had to cut one of because I overheard Harry call one of my new honeys Joss Stone out on stage. They both performed "One Way Or Another" which turned out to be one of the best performances of the night! Joss Stone's mesh black dress didn't hurt my opinion either.
• Strikingly gorgeous Tyra came back out introduced Gladys Knight without her pimps, who performed an oldie with true soul. Joss Stone came out again, and wow we got another outfit change. I liked the black dress better. Anyway, this chic is good and hot as hell. Damn then here comes my baby again, Jessica. Gladys sang Midnight Train To Georgia with her and they both did a great job. Jess looked great in a long silverish dress. After that song, Joss came back out. Damn. I would love to get Jess and Joss together and take some pics in my new sleigh bed.
• Then finally the night came to an end with an 80's music medley.
  Cindi Lauper sang girls just want to have fun; Shelia E sang surprise, The Glamorous Life; Debbie Harry sang Call Me; Ashanti butchered Aint Nobody, she forgot the words 5 times, continuing with the non rehearsing theme; Joss Stone sang a sexy version of Sting's If You Love Someone (Set Them Free); in a sexy low cut black dress, Jessica sang Steve Winwood's Higher Love; then the finale, The Pussy Cat Dolls sang Duran Duran's Girls on Film. Again, the lead singer, a tall brunette stole the show. Carmen Elecktra looked petrified as she attempted to sing her part; then again Tom Jones came out and ruined the mood with a performance of Prince's Kiss, which Jones recorded in the 80s. Then in the final performance of the night, Patti Labelle sang New Attitude.