The MTV VMA's is my favorite award show because it has the most occurrences of celebrities making big time asses of themselves.

Jimmy Fallon isn't funny and was destined to bomb from the beginning. In the opening act he parodied many of the nominees including Eminem, Nelly, The White Stripes and Dave Matthews. This worked until he jumped to the third song where he was out of breath and his parodied lyrics became muffled and unintelligible. His best moments were comments made about Fat Joe eating the Olson Twins. It wasn't anything genius, original or funny, but they showed the Fat Joe in the audience during the first joke and he didn't look very amused. Another unfunny comment was one he made after Michael Jackson came on stage. Fallon said, "Michael looks good for 44, but I think he had some work done". Here's a guy who is on Saturday Night Live and sits on the same chair as such legends as Chevy Chase and Norm McDonald and the best thing he can come up with is a Michael Jackson plastic surgery joke! I think he does a lot of the writing on SNL, so it's no wonder it sucks so bad these days. How about some Robert Downey drug jokes or a Pee Wee Herman masturbation gag?

More unintentional comedy came upon us when Michael Jackson was presented with a cake to celebrate his 44th birthday. Britney Spears introduced him and commented that she feels that he is the "artist of the millennium". Jackson proceeded to thank everyone from Quincy Jones to magician David Blaine, thinking that he was really getting the "Artist Of The Millennium Award"!! HA HA HA. Happy Birthday Michael? Hopefully someone bought you "a clue" and wrapped it with a big red bow on top.

Then we were given a real treat… Justin Timberlake came out and sang for us!! MTV billed this as Justin's first solo performance EVER!!! He came out on top of a huge boom box wearing a faggy black hat with red trim, black jacket and really cool fingerless gloves. He looked like a white Michael Jackson. Wait, isn't that an oxymoron? He continued to sing and then four other dancers swarmed behind him doing a silly routine. Now, my question is what in the hell makes this any different from N'Sync? There were still five homos on stage dancing in synchronicity. Hopefully this song and performance will act as a wake up call for America. After the performance, the rest of N'Sync came out (minus butt space-pirate Lance Bass) to present an award. And in another example of how cool Justin is… this time he came out with the same style hat but different color. He actually brought two hats, one to change into backstage between appearances. People buy his music, now THAT'S comedy!!!

The funniest moment of the night came as the late great Axl Rose took the stage and performed with his new band Guns N Roses. No original members were with him of course but he did have a masked bassist that looked like he was from a retarded version of Slipknot except for the fact that he wore a bucket on his head. Why didn't Slipknot think of that? Rumor is that the bucket is actually Axl's in case he needs to empty his Depends. They played Welcome To The Jungle, Civil War, then closed with Paradise City. But the performances didn't even come close to most of the redneck, mullet infested Guns N Roses karaoke experiences I have had in my lifetime. Axl's beer belly, hair plugs and tone deafness was good for about 10 minutes of uncontrollable laughter. His trademark gritty high pitched howl has turned into a flat growl which sounds like my neighbor's German Shepard when it hears an ambulance siren. It was one of the single most unbelievable moments I have ever witnessed on TV, right up there with Mariah Carey's "strip tease" on TRL and Boy George falling asleep in mid sentence which was shown on his VH1 Behind The Music. If you missed this, please make it a point to watch it during one of the 10,000 times MTV will replay it this month. It was better than Ozzy and Anna, this was just GREAT TV!!!

Other than that, the show was very insignificant and uneventful. J-Lo cut her hair, Eminem gave Moby the finger, The Olson Twins bombed, Sammy Hagar and David Lee Roth presented an award and Anna Kournikova trimmed a hair that was hanging from Enrique Iglesias' mole. Conspicuous by their absence were Kid Rock, those little Limp Bizkit bastards, Madonna, DMX and Jay-Z.