To any of you fucks out there that claim to enjoy Christmas, behold me standing on my soapbox & calling you a liar. My hatred for the holidays is well known, but you pricks that go out & pretend to be jolly are thinking that same thing that I have the balls to say out loud. Christmas is tremendous pain in the ass.
 Between the false sentiment, bad music & spending time with your alcoholic family nobody wants to take part in it anymore. We just do it because everybody else does it. Furthermore, we've been told that Christmas is just around the corner as soon as the signs for back-to-school sales are taken down. So I came up with a great idea. Let's quit Christmas. Knock it off. Kill it like Kennedy. We can keep the day off but let's spend it doing solitary things we enjoy like watching porn or throwing rocks at the elderly.
Think of all the money you'll save. Black Friday will cease to be. Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, used to be a term that were used only by those unfortunate enough to work in retail. Now everybody refers to that day as Black Friday. Let's collectively tap-out so hillbillies will no longer trample over each other at Wal-Mart. Stores will no longer open at the asscrack of dawn to sell you shit. Their employees will be able to digest the turkey they have eaten before having to go to work.
Now, somebody out there might bring up the religious aspect of Christmas. Well, let them lick my taint! I was under the impression that people of faith knew enough not to read my bullshit. But I digress. What is actually being celebrated on December 25th, the birth of Christ? No. It's actually an old sun-worshiper holiday called Sol Invictus, or the unconquerable sun. It's the day of the year when the earth's tilting axis starts to make the day's longer, at least in this hemisphere. Christian conquerors kept the old holiday & replaced the deity in questions. It helped keep the sheep in line.
So, with that said, let's purge our soceity of this tremendous annoyance. Let Ted Nugent shoot reindeer, turn off the cash registers & stop playin "Do They Know It's Christmas" by Band Aid. As an alternative, let's extend Halloween. I'd prefer a month long celebration of horror movies & chicks in skimpy outfits.
R
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