So I'm at work & we get our holiday schedule for 2006. The 1 bad thing about being an aetheist is that you only get the holidays the government gives you. I realized that between president's day (fuck you, Dubya!) & Memorial Day there won't be any extra days off. Well, that's disappointing. People need an extra day once in a while to  just chill & they should be paid to do it. They shouldn't have to use their vacation time in early spring to kick back. I looked at the list again & saw Martin Luther King's day & thought "Who do I have to kill to get a day off?".
I scanned my thoughtmeats to try to find somebody this country, if not the world, would gladly want memorialized with a holiday in the event of their death. Then it hit me. There was somebody whose humanitarian efforts were known the world over, especially with the politicians. More importantly, he's somebody that I wouldn't miss. We should be able to squeeze a holiday out of his corpse if I just killed Bono.
It's nothing personal. I'm indifferent to his music. It's not like I'd put him on the Brick List. I'm just looking for a day off. We the people need another 3 day weekend in which we can sleep late & do whatever we like, be it going to the movies or scaring pedestrians. I'm thinking we should have it in March or April. I'll barbecue if it's warm enough. Maybe I could get U2's record label in on it. We all know that when a musician dies their records fly off the shelves, so they'll stand to make a lot of money off Bono's demise. They'll get a day off too, so they shouldn't complain. Then they can repackage all those U2 albums & put boxed sets together. They might even helps get government approval for this holiday.
If I'm worrying you a bit, please chill. I'm not some psycho like Mark David Chapman. Voices aren't telling me to do this. I'd just like another day where I can be sloth-like & sleep late. Give me a few more hours to dream of pudenda. Is that too much to ask? This benefits you as well. Don't say I never gave you anything.
R
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