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by Rick, staff writer |
FROST
BITTEN MIDRIFT |
It’s coming. Every year winter hits with a cold that
makes most people long to move to a warmer climate. Winter
just makes me want to hibernate. I’d like to sleep
through the winter, sleep through Christmas & New Year’s
Rocking Eve. I’d wake up in April & watch all
the episodes of Law & Order: SVU & 24 that were
taped while I slept. But that’s not reality. Instead
I wake up freezing my balls off & go to work, cursing
whenever someone mentions snow or the birth of  Christ.
But there’s a new phenomenon that’s perplexing
me. I call it the frost bitten midrift.
Low-rise jeans are in fashion presently, which is nice to
see on the right women (By right women, I mean attractive
women over the age of 20. Any younger than that & I
get freaked out by our nation under Britney that has created
legions of underage whores). Low-rise jeans stop at the
pubic bone & are usually worn in tandem with a shirt
that ends slightly beneath the rib cage. The midrift is
exposed, giving the entire world a peak at the belly &
hips. Sometimes, usually intentionally, a thong is visible,
which starts your brain’s synapses to start firing.
You imagine the numerous possibilities of doing very bad
things you could do to the young lady wearing the aforementioned
jeans.
Don’t start on me for being a sexist piece of shit.
I notice a woman wearing revealing clothes & my primitive
instincts take over. I don’t harass or attack her.
The way a woman dresses doesn’t mean she’s asking
for it. I’d just like to see her out of those clothes,
same as all the ladies looking at male models in underwear
ads.
But as the months turn cold, some of these teenage low-rise
jean wearers continue wearing clothes that aren’t
meant for this weather. I see them walking about, winter
coats wide open, belly rings shining; nipples erect from
the cold & their stomachs bright pink. Are these girls
so hungry for attention that they’re willing to expose
themselves to the elements? It’s creepy & screams
“Love me, Daddy”. It’s Paris Hilton without
the trust fund.
Is Britney Aguilera responsible for making girls into exhibitionists
at younger ages today? Why doesn’t it occur to these
young ladies to say “Fuck, it’s cold”?
A frost bitten midrift is unattractive. This skin will crack
& start bleeding with every donkey punch. It can’t
be easy trying to fuck a chick with hypothermia. So, you
attention-starved ladies should know, guys can undress you
with our eyes even if you’re wearing a parka.
R
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