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by Rick, staff writer
THE RICK GUZMAN CELEBRITY BRICK LIST #4
The following is a list of celebrities where my desire to hit them in the face with a brick
increases exponentially every goddamned day. It will be updated regularly.

THE BITCH FROM EVANESCENCE: What is this broad’s problem? This nasty Hot Topic cooze is always in peril. She’s either falling off the roof or drowning or needs to be woken up or a wombat is eating her tits. Bitch, shut the fuck up & go sit down somewhere. Since you like to fall so much, why don’t I throw you off of my roof onto a pile of bricks? Then pick your mangled carcass up, carry you back up to the roof & toss you down again.

PHIL COLLINS: What the fuck is “Psusudio”? Anyway, this menstrual stain put out a new album, Testify, with a song called “Can’t Stop Loving You”. It’s pure sonic castration that I am subjected to every goddamned day on the lite music station at work. In the song, Phil’s woman left him, possibly because he has a vagina. He eve states to his departed woman/man/hermaphrodite/whatever-the-fuck that, “I’ll always be here if you change your mind” while the background singers repeat the word “Why?”. It sounds more to me like they’re saying “Whaaa”, crying like babies with skinned knees. Phil, you strange British shemale, when you make a proclamation like that, you may as well buy a huge neon sign that says, “I HAVE NO TESTICLES”. You’re getting a big brick in the cooch for this 1, Buster.

EVERYBODY ASSOCIATED WITH AMERICAN IDOL: Fuck these easy listening payola puppets. Fuck the limey prick. Fuck Paula Abdul. Fuck the fat judge who looks like Al Roker. Fuck the terrible songwriters that give these mindless sheep lots of words with which to say nothing. Fuck the people at Fox who air this foul entertainment abortion & preempt 24 so they can do it. Rick needs to see Kiefer take down the terrorists! Fuck the slack-jawed youth that audition for this shit & subject themselves to the criticism of the limey. Bricks in the teeth for all of them & bricks to the microphones that they have shat upon..
 
ASHTON KUTCHER: Nevermind how much I like That 70’s Show & kudos for making Justin Timberlake cry on TV, I hate when an idiot makes a living. It’s a crime against nature & evolution. The stupid should be weeded out naturally as they were in prehistoric days. You can’t catch a yak, you starve to death. I’ll admit that Punk’d is entertaining, it’s poor grammer to turn an adjective into a verb of the past tense. It’s not even spelled properly, Ashton. So the cycle of ignorance gets passed on. But I’ll rescue humanity. By hitting Kelso with enough bricks to render him silent. I won’t give him any bricks to the head however; they'll do no damage.

JESSICA SIMPSON: Here’s another would-be casualty of natural selection. On the TV show she has with her pillow-biting husband, this numb Christian cunt displayed her stupidity when she announced she wasn’t sure if she was eating tuna or chicken. It tasted like tuna, but the can said “Chicken Of The Sea”. Also, while speaking on domesticity she said, “I always thought that, magically, things would get clean.” You’ll be eating bricks before I’m done with you.


R


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