 MADONNA:
She may have set the template for a sex symbol at the end
of the 20th century & I like anybody who pisses the church
off. Yet, Madonna makes the brick list anyway for fucking
her husband’s, Guy Ritchie, movie career. Guy Ritchie
made 2 great heist movies (Lock, Stock, & 2 Smoking Barrels
& Snatch) then married Madonna & made the terrible
vanity project Swept Away. That movie was so bad it went straight
to video in Ritchie’s native England. Dropping bricks
on the Material Girl is my way of telling Guy Ritchie to make
another cool flick, preferably with Jason Statham & Vinnie
Jones.  THE
DARKNESS:
These guys have the bright idea to bring back hair metal
complete with screeching falsetto vocals, spandex outfits
7 corny fucking lyrics. My idea to chuck bricks at their
crotches seems better. I’ll just tell them it will
help them hit those difficult high notes.
 MATCHBOX
20:
For further proof that there is no justice in this world,
Matchbox 20’s debut album has sold more copies than
Nevermind by Nirvana. That’s not right. That money
could be better spent buying this group some testicles.
This wanky bunch makes music for soulless yuppies that think
malls are good & Vin Diesel is a good actor. Bricks
to the head & mouth for these cocksuckers. Rob Thomas
my not be crazy, but he’ll feel more than a little
unwell when I’m through with him. Go cry to Santana,
bitch!
 PARIS
HILTON:
Why the fuck are you famous? You’re a rich little
pill-popping cooze who has a very difficult time staying
dressed. I shouldn’t even know your name. You get
a brick for nip-slipping your way into the public eye.
 BILL
O’REILLY:
Have you ever noticed when someone is getting the better
of O’Reilly on his show, Bill yells at them to shut
up then goes to commercial? When the show returns, that
guest is no longer there. Can’t take the heat can
you, Bill? I got a nice warm brick for you & it’ll
have a hell of a spin on it, you receptacle for the republican
seed.
 EVERYBODY
AT CBS FOX WHO DECIDED RELEASING GAME OF DEATH WAS A GOOD
IDEA: Bruce
Lee filmed 2 scenes for Game Of Death before he died. Now
those scenes kicked a lot of ass, particularly Bruce’s
fight with Kareem Abdul Jabar, but you can’t call
2 scenes a movie. So what did CBS FOX do? After the film
remained in limbo for a few years, CBS FOX decided to capitalize
on Lee’s name & “last film” by hiring
a look-alike to finish the movie. Look-alike is a loose
description as he was shorter & not as well built as
Bruce. Maybe they thought American audiences thought all
Asians look alike. For shame. To make matter worse, the
stand-in worse big tacky 70’s sunglasses throughout
most of the films, even in scenes that took place at night...
while driving. No. I’m not making this up. Add in
choppy edits of close ups of Bruce & you have the worst
cash cow ever made. Bricks for all, but for these bastards
I’m breaking out the nunchucks too.
 GODSMACK:
The year was 1998 & I was working at Tower Records.
We got a promotional copy of Godsmack’s first album.
I put it on with a few other CD’s & go about my
work. After a while I hear what sounds like “Last”
by Nine Inch Nails. I didn’t put Nine Inch Nails in
the CD player. Why am I hearing it? Then I hear lyrics.
That’s not Trent Reznor. What the fuck is going on
here? Turns out their song “Time Bomb” is a
note for note rip off of “Last” by Nine Inch
Nails. Bricks to these sound thieves.
 TED
TURNER & EVERYONE AT NEW LINE CINEMA:
A while back, I found a VHS copy of The Street Fighter,
starring Sonny Chiba as Terry Terugi, a badder motherfucker
than Shaft. I’d meant to see this movie for a long
time, ever since Tarentino first mentioned it in True Romance.
After seeing Kill Bill, that clinched it. My lady also bought
me a Sonny Chiba 10 DVD set. We were going to watch The
Street Fighter! But while watching the VHS version, I noticed
a running time of 74 & lots of choppy edits, plus an
ending that made no sense. Chiba grabs a guys throat &
then the credits roll. What the fuck? It seems The Street
Fighter was 1 of the first movies to get an X rating for
violence. So when New Line got the rights for re-release
they edited out all the gratuitous violence (aka the good
parts). It truly fucked the ending. So fuck Ted Turner &
New Line Cinema. Viva Chiba!
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