I’d
like to start out by saying that I’m not a fan of
football, Janet Jackson or Justin Timberlake. So it should
come as no surprise that I wasn’t watching the Super
Bowl. I was watching a cool foreign film called Man Bites
Dog then I watched a British sitcom called The Office. The
next morning, everybody's talking about a boobie.
Janet
Jackson’s tit fell out. Big fucking deal. It’s
just a tit. When I  got
home I checked out this site &, of course, Dean’s
got the photos. I gotta see what everyone is talking about.
I don’t mind looking at a nice rack. But this isn’t
that nice a breast. It’s gray. It’s adorned
with an ornate nipple ring. But people are talking about
it. They’re saying there’s uproar. They talk
a lot, don’t they? They also say the FCC will investigate
whether the exposure was deliberate or not.
But
it’s just a tit!
If
Miss Jackson whipped out her funbag on purpose, it’s
obviously to promote her new album. Tit or no tit, it’s
still an album I won’t buy. Janet, love, you just
don’t do it for me. At least not since Diff’rent
Strokes. Nice try though. It’s a great way to get
people talking about you, but it’s just a tit.
On
to Michael Powell who will investigate the incident. Why
not investigate my ass chowder or why his father‘s,
Colin Powell, name sounds like a part of the ass? I’ll
say it again; it’s just a tit. How about investigating
whether or not American citizens even want a FCC? You’re
part of a federally appointed, not elected, body of government
which deemed that radio & television are the only aspects
of American life not protected by the free speech provisions
guaranteed us in the First Amendment of the Constitution.
It’s just a tit! Donkey punch your puritanical values.
The
government was founded & still is being run by Puritans,
a group so uptight that the British persecuted them. The
British don’t even fuck with the lights on. But that
was too hardcore for the Puritans. So they fled to the New
World. It wasn’t really new, just new to them. They
found natives there, naked natives. These nude inhabitants
of what is now America took a look at the Puritans &
said, “Damn! They’re filthy”.
The
Puritans bathed once a year & were never nude, so as
not to be immodest. The natives tried to show the Puritans
how to wash their funky asses & in between any other
folds. But the Puritans refused because the sight of tan
titties & big brown cock was more than they could handle.
Deciding that Jeebus loves they filthy & disease ridden,
the Puritans remained smelling like a subway toilet. Their
disease killed millions. Puritanical ass-rot led to genocide
on 2 continents & spawned the likes of Donald Rumsfeld,
who needs to cover the bare breast of Lady Justice because
she’s exposing her dirty marble titty like a coed
in a Girls Gone Wild video.
It’s
just a tit! I don’t get the big fucking deal. Everybody’s
seen them. Either you’ve seen your own or sets you
get to visit & decorate with your DNA. So I’d
like this clamor explained to me. If a tit being shown on
TV offended any readers, drop me a line & explain to
me what pissed you off. If you know somebody who feels this
way, have them email me through the site, because I’d
like to know why a bare breasticle is going to cause the
downfall of all that is good & decent in this country.
It’s just a tit!
R
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