 JUSTIN
TIMBERLAKE:
What gets him on this brick list? Not his relationship with
Britney, which we still hear about years after it’s
over. Not his weird quasi-Oedipal relationship with his mommy.
Not the whole Janet’s boob thing. Not his new career
of imitating Michael Jackson. What gets Justin a brick beating
is his refusal to talk like a Tennessee white boy. Wigga please.
 ERIC
CLAPTON:
I’ll admit that Cream was 1 of the most proficient
rock bands ever, but 1 thing that always bothered me was
Clapton singing "Crossroads Blues" by Robert Johnson.
Whereas Johnson, the King of the Delta Blues, conveyed the
sound & feeling that defines blues music, Clapton sounded
like a limey who understood but couldn’t replicate
said sound. This March Clapton will release Me & Mr.
Johnson, an album of Robert Johnson songs. He even recreates
1 of 2 known photos of Johnson for the album’s cover.
YOU ARE NOT ROBERT JOHNSON. Good as you may be, even you
admit "Johnson’s style was so complicated that
it usually takes 2 people to copy his sound". You’re
half the musician Robert Johnson was & I chuck bricks
at your homage. Go write another song about your kid falling
out a window.
 REVEREND
TIM LAHAYE:
The author of the successful Left Behind series, which chronicles
life on Earth after god takes the chosen to his kingdom,
also has most of the religious politicians in this country
in his pocket. Zealots in power are very dangerous. He’s
a millionaire who hates gays, Catholics (which makes no
sense since both believe in the same god) & giving women
no right to choose about abortion & he pulls the strings
of so many puppets of the religious right. Are you scared
yet? That’s why Reverend LeHaye needs the divine brick
cleansing from here to Jordan, motherfucker.
 WILL
FERRELLl:
My friends like Will Ferrell. They think he’s hilarious.
They rave about him. My friends are wrong. Sorry guys, he
just acts retarded. I enjoyed Jay & Silent Bob Strike
Back, but not because of Ferrell. Old School was only good
because I got to see Elisha Cuthbert in her underwear. He
gets bricks for telling anyone to stop stealing monkeys.
 AXL
ROSE: In junior high, Guns N’ Roses was my favorite band.
In late 1991 when Use Your Illusion 1 & 2 were released,
their position as my favorite band was solidified. Then
Axl Rose disappeared, popping up only to turn GN’R
into a big fucking joke. Now his record label wants to release
a Greatest Hits album & Rose, in typical fashion, wants
to take legal action to prevent its release. But instead
of offering to finally release Chinese Democracy, an album
over 10 years in the making, Rose just flexes famous muscles
that have long since atrophied by threatening to sue. Fuck
you, Axl. You deserve a brick for every 6 months you’ve
kept you fans dangling for a new album, a brick for every
member of Guns N’ Roses you’ve fired & a
brick for every hour of wasted studio time. With your bitch
slap rapping & your cocaine tongue you get nothing done.
Try opening for Velvet Revolver, bitch.
 JEFF
JARRETT:
NWA:TNA could be a bigger promotion than it currently is
if it wasn’t for nepotism. Jerry Jarrett, legendary
southern promotion runs the show & is doing what he’s
always done, pushed his son Jeff as a main event star. What
poppa doesn’t realize is that Jeff is & always
was mediocre. He isn’t a name to build a promotion
around. He was the WCW champ when that promotion was impossible
to watch. He doesn’t make viewers want to cough up
$10 for their weekly pay-per-views. He’s a cracker
with a guitar that bores the audience to sleep. Maybe a
few bricks will teach him that he isn’t in Mid-South
Wrestling anymore.
 SEAN
HANNITY & ALAN COLMES:
From Fox News Channel’s left/right debate show, I
add to the brick list 1 conservative shit talker & his
cowering bitch. Am I the only 1 who gets the feeling that
Colmes whimpers every time Hannity raises his hand? They’re
like a battered wife & her Christian republican husband.
They’ll both feel my hand with plenty of bricks.
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