 FRANKIE
MUNIZ:
Stop smiling, you little prick!
 JET:
Listening
to their single “Are You Gonna Be My Girl?”
I realized how much more I enjoyed that song when Iggy Pop
did it & it was called “Lust For Life”.
Jet have since gone on to sound like AC/DC. Come up with
something original boys.
 GENE
SIMMONS:
If this man can’t fuck it, he’ll sell it. That’s
my problem with this pompous ass. The way he milks all the
dough from his troglodyte fans, excuse me, fine upstanding
members of the KISS Army, is bordering on criminal. He sells
everything from t-shirts, comic books, KISS condoms, KISS
clocks, KISS cookware & the Official KISS home abortion
kit. This money grubbing prick came up with KISS coffins,
the casket you don’t need to be dead to buy because
it doubles as a cooler. I’ll be sure to put him in
1 of his own caskets after his brick beating. I’ll
even pile many bricks on top of said interred coffin to
make sure the ugly fuck doesn’t rise from the grave.
 FIVE
FOR FIGHTING:
What are they fighting? Are they fighting to get their testicles
back? This band makes Clay Aiken look like Glen Danzig.
Their song “Superman” is supposed to tell us
the inner monologue of the Man of Steel. If I wanna know
Superman’s deepest thoughts, I’ll read the comic
book. Kal-El’s thought process will probably sound
something like “I love Lois. I miss Krypton. I gotta
go save some people.” Me & a bunch of bricks against
Five For Fighting doesn’t really seem fair, does it?
 JON
BON JOVI:
Never trust a rock front man that has the same haircut as
his guitar player & his guitar player’s wife.
This Jersey fuck mook gets bricked for a quote I read recently
where he said “The only thing I like more than my
wife is my money.” That’s the kind of statement
that I hope would end with a domestic disturbance in which
Mrs. Bon Jovi torches his possibly flammable hair. Turns
out Jersey’s prince is a money grubbing whore. Bricks
to your well-defined cheekbones bitch.
 CHER: I’d love to chuck bricks as Cher, but I don’t
think it would have much effect because she may be a cyborg.
What is she? 90 years old? I’m betting she has no
natural parts left. Still, I’d like to see what kind
of damage could be done to her in the hopes of ending her
ongoing farewell tour.
 JADE
PUGET OF AFI:
This schmuck said recently in Rolling Stone’s video
game section that after getting knocked out in the first
round while playing the Rocky video game he tried to bite
the controller & almost broke his tooth. Then he punched
the controller & hurt his hand. You’re a fucking
idiot. It’s a fucking video game. Would you try to
eat the bricks I hit you with? Probably.
 CARMEN
ELECTRA:
As much as I loathe people who are famous when they shouldn’t
be, Carmen Electra is on this list for sucking the talent
out of Dave Navarro. You all remember what a great guitarist
he was on those old Jane’s Addiction records. He even
shredded like mad on One Hot Minute by the Red Hot Chili
Peppers. Listen to him now. Jane’s Addiction’s
latest album was weak & Navarro’s solo album blew
dog. So Carmen, you little floatation device, you gotta
get bricked. I will remove you from the list, however, if
you can prove Dave is playing so poorly because he’s
off the smack.
 TOBY
KEITH:
The uber redneck. Being patriotic isn’t a bad thing,
but when even the Dixie Chicks are calling you ignorant
it’s time for some introspection. Supporting the troops
is cool, but your wordplay on your album title of Shock’n
Y’all makes me wonder if your father is your uncle
too. How about your gem of a song “Beer For My Horses”?
This little ditty about lynching Arabs is just fucked up.
Are you trying to get your horse drunk to make yourself
look smarter? I got a new song called “Bricks For
An Ignorant Hillbilly”. Like to hear it? Here it goes!
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