THE RICK GUZMAN CELEBRITY BRICK LIST #11

CARLITO CARIBBEAN COOL: This second-generation wrestler should be called Carlito Caribbean Crap. He has a bad retro-style Savio Vega/Razor Ramon gimmick that would’ve been laughed out of the arena back in the corny 80’s. He refers to himself in the third person & has been pushed into a mid-card title on his first night on TV. But he’s a slow & shitty worker. Hell, my lady has suplexed me better than this afro-headed ball-bag. I wonder if he gave Vince McMahon a rusty trombone in order to get his push.

HILLARY DUFF: There’s something about her, I’m not sure what, that makes me want to fart in her dinner.

STEVEN TYLER: He supports George W. Bush. For that, he gets a brick to his big ass lips. Now where the fuck’s my royalties?

DOLLY PARTON: This aging country star is thinking about alleviating her back pain with a breast reduction. What’s wrong with you, you warbling, chicken-fried heffer? The only reason anybody ever paid attention to you is because you have gargantuan funbags. Don’t reduce the wonder of your aging juggs. Put a brick under each breast if they need support. You’re a big titty woman & everybody loves a big titty woman!

KRS-ONE: Kris, you disappoint me. Once upon a time when people would complain to me that hip-hop was ignorant, I’d mention KRS-One. I’d talk about how he rhymed with consciousness. How many rappers would rap about safe sex? He was the teacher. He coined the phrase “edutainment“. I respected him.
Now he pissed me off.

Recently, KRS-One said that black people cheered the WTC attack. He claimed security at the WTC wouldn’t let blacks in. So he said, “When those towers fell we thought, ‘Mmmmm... justice’”. He also said blacks looked at the event as “they”, meaning whites were being attacked & the hip-hop community doesn’t relate to it. Well, Kris, why did the Wu-Tang ask, “Where the fuck the man who knocked our buildings down?” on Iron Flag?

I expected better from an intelligent MC & Native New Yorker. Giving a verbal thrashing to a Wall Street yuppie is 1 thing, making light of mass murder is another. Keep your ignorant ass in the boogie down Bronx, bitch.

R

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