January 3, 2005. In a few hours, my friends & I will converge on Nassau Coliseum in Uniondale, New York for a broadcast of Monday Night Raw. 10 wrestling fans will gather, hold up signs & wonder, “Why did it get so bad?”

You may ask, “Rick, if you think the WWE sucks, then why do you watch it?” There are several reasons. As a long time wrestling fan I like to watch a good match, which the WWE occasionally delivers. I’m also nostalgic for a time when wrestling had better storylines, more believable gimmicks & was far more unpredictable. It is in this spirit that I watch & hope that wrestling will improve & become exciting again.

So, with every mark out there hypothesizing on how to improve wrestling, allow me to toss my 10 cents in as well. These points could improve not only the WWE but also American wrestling in general.

DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ: The internet has helped & hurt the wrestling business in the last 10 years. While some of the sites will offer news, they offer rumors as well. It’s best to take everything with a grain of salt, unless it’s about how Sean Waltman (X-Pac) sucks. Then it’s all true.

TNA MUST IMPROVE: NWA: TNA is the only other wrestling promotion with a national TV deal & pay-per-view events. Since its inception, TNA’s X division (think high-flying cruiserweights on methamphetimine) has been the talk of wrestling fans everywhere. While young wrestlers like AJ Styles, Petey Williams & Chris Sabin wow the crowd with amazing matches their names are only well known to internet marks or those who take the time to go to independent wrestling shows. TNA’s “marquee” names are those who have been fired from the WWE or former WCW wrestlers who weren’t hired by Vince McMahon. Jeff Hardy limps to the ring & all but faxes his performance in. Road Dogg (now known as BG James) & Konnan spout catch phrases that are 7 years old. Jeff Jarrett, Scott Hall & Kevin Nash are re-hashing their nWo partnership under the moniker “The Kings Of Wrestling” The gimmick is laughable because they all wear big Elvis glasses & Hall comes out in a black & red Elvis suit. TNA needs to drop the old timers unless they can still go (Raven & Diamond Dallas Page still can). They need a better time slot than Friday afternoon at 4:00pm & they need more advertising from Fox Sports Network.

NO ACTIVE WRESTLERS ON THE CREATIVE TEAM: I can’t stress this enough. Stone Cold Steve Austin stated years ago that Triple H shouldn’t be in booking meeting, but old Hunter seems stuck to Stephanie McMahon’s pussy, so maybe that’s how he gets in there. Anyway, there’s an obvious conflict of interest. As Kevin Nash said when asked what was the first thing he’d do after taking charge of WCW’s booking committee, “Probably make myself the World Champion”. Well, he did. Then the world switched to Raw. Now WCW is no longer around. Power corrupts, logic is abandoned & viewers change the channel when a wrestling roster of 30 or more becomes a 1-man show.

OLD CODGERS MUST RETIRE & BRING BACK THE LOST ART OF THE MANAGER: When I
started watching wrestling in the 80’s there were plenty of managers, many of whom were former wrestlers. Mr. Fuji, Bobby Heenan & Captain Lou Albano hung up their boots & utilized their personalities to get a new generation of wrestlers over. Ric Flair is slowly falling into a managerial role but he’ll still put on his gear & expose his tan flabby udders to the audience in a match when he is clearly past his prime. Shawn Michaels & The Undertaker are shells of their former selves who are better served preparing future superstars for the big time. Kudos to Mick Foley for appearing at independent shows to put over the talent & bring in the crowds.

REAL IS BETTER: The best gimmicks in wrestling are those that reflect the wrestlers’ real personalities. Let them crank their personas up to 11 & see what happens. Don’t give us tired rehashes of gimmicks that sucked the first time. Nova was renamed Simon Dean, but he’s a Body Donna without the broad to get him over. Carlito Caribbean Cool is a retread Razor Ramon/Savio Vega but with an afro instead of talent. Mohammed Hassan is not the Iron Sheik. He doesn’t even look Arabic. He looks Italian. Eddie Guerrero is his gimmick. The Rock is his gimmick. John Cena is his Gimmick. Keep it real.

WORK TOWARDS A PAYOFF: You have to build up to the blow off. Think of where you want the angle to end & work your way there. Sometimes a good angle just falls in your lap, but I’ll give you an example of how WWE dropped the ball recently with Mr. Torrie Wilson, aka Billy Kidman. Kidman gave Chavo Guerrero a shoot injury with a botched shooting star press. What better way to draw money than with a wrestler seeking revenge for a legitimate injury? “You done knocked me retarded & I’m gonna kick your ass!” This angle wrote itself. But we don’t see Guererro vs. Kidman on a pay-per-view. This grudge gets settled on Velocity, Smackdown’s jobber show. The same can be said for the Paul London/Mr.. Torrie Wilson feud after their tag team broke up. Maybe Vince thinks no 1 wants to pay to see
Billy Kidman. He’s right, but we would pay to see him get his ass kicked.

SPEED IT UP: If you watch old matches with Rey Misterio, Rob Van Dam or Paul London & compare them to their current WWE work, it seems like they are working in slow motion. I read awhile back that the WWE likes slower paced matches because they feel that slower matches tell more of a story. I think they prefer slower matches because most of their main-eventers & commentators cannot work at that speed. I say let the wrestlers go full tilt boogie, let the fans decide if they like it & let those who can’t hang work the jobber shows.

CALL THE DAMN MATCH: This is a pet peeve of mine. I hate watching a mid-card match, Rhino vs. Christian for example, & the wrestlers are working hard through their match while the commentators are speculating about a match later in the show. Jim Ross will often ponder what HHH is thinking about before his match. Are you bored, JR., or do you have A.D.D.? Call the fucking match! Quit pissing on the other wrestlers efforts. In ECW, Joey Styles called the entire match, used his words to put everybody over & that why he’s better than a slack jawed Okie.

CUT BACK ON THE BITCHES: What’s the point of having a Diva search contest if Vince is hiring most of them? Did they all suck him off? If they’re not going to wrestle, make them valets or something. Hook them up with wrestlers so they have a purpose other than just scattered ass. Bradshaw has an image consultant, why not a personal ball washer for the Dudleys? Everybody likes clean balls.

GIVE US DIFFERENT FEUDS: For almost a year, I’ve watched Chris Benoit fight every member of Evolution. The Big Show has feuded on & off with Kurt Angle for 2 years. Let’s change it up. Give us matches we’ve never seen before. I’ve never seen Benoit vs. Christian. How about the Dudley Boys competing for singles titles? If all else fails, have a death match where someone actually dies, preferably Carlito.

And last but not least...
IT’S NOT A 1 MAN SHOW: WCW died because it became the Hogan & Bischoff show. I know you’re thinking, “Rick, that’s 2 men.” Keep in mind they were practically tethered to 1 another so it seemed like they were 1 entity. When WWE was at their peak a few years ago, Raw didn’t just revolve around Triple H. You had Stone Cold, The Rock, Mick Foley, Degeneration X & The Undertaker. Now it seems the whole show is built around Vince McMahon’s son-in-law & everything else is an afterthought. It could also be why
Smackdown shows are booked to fail. Just a theory. Later...

So there you have it. 11 ways to improve wrestling. 1 day after a Raw broadcast, I must say my ideas wouldn’t hurt. Sure, Triple H lost to Randy Orton last night. It doesn’t change the crowd’s silence through most of the match, my yawning & the fact that I saw 2 people napping during the main event.

R

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