 Best
Jimmy Kimmel Line: Said to Justin Timberlake
who was live via satellite: "Do you feel blacker in
Germany?" Justin was stunned and dumbfounded, but he
did manage to respond with "Yes".
Worst Performance:
On a night where almost everyone actually sang live, Britney's
same old lame, over the top, lip synched dance routine started
the show off on a bad note. Her new song, which I
have heard 200 times already features the old hag Madonna
as a special guest.
Dress
of the Night:
TIE - Jessica Simpson & Roselyn Sanchez. Jess looked
great. She wore a grayish loose fit number with a
slit in the middle. She was bra-less. Who is Roselyn
Sanchez? Who knows? But her dress ala-J-lo from
a couple years back was great. Second place goes to Jenny
McCarthy who is o-so-close to hitting the wall, but her
body looked great in her low cut black dress.
Most
Out of Place Celebrity:
Dennis Franz. He presented some worthless Country
music award. I saw him being interviewed on the pre-show
and they asked him who is he looking forward to meeting.
He said, The Smothers Brothers, HA HA HAHA.
The
Turn Back To The Patriots/Cowboys Game  Moment:
Allen Jackson's performance of the song, "It's 5'oclock
somewhere. This song exemplifies the reason why I hate country
music. Jackson's emotionless rendition is enough to put
me into a coma. This song also features a guy that
everyone seems to love, Jimmy Buffet, but I don't know one
person who owns any of his crap. Buffet is probably the
most popular artist who has contributed the least to rock
history.
Most
Unnecessary Use of Stage Effects:
Ashanti's performance. Not only did she sound horrible,
near the end of the song they started dumping rain while
she was trying to sing and dance. It was funny to
see her attempting to keep her composure as water dripped
from her brow. She normally sounds good but this performance
was "absolutely dreadful".
Worst
Beard: Tom Green. Looking like an Amishman
from Hell (oxymoron), he presented an award with Lance Bass.
Travesty
of the Night: Ancient artifacts Fleetwood
beat out Three Doors Down & Matchbox Twenty for best
Pop/Rock band.
 Mullet
of the Night:
That guy JC from N'Sync. This guy is funny as hell.
It's sorta reminds me of Rick Springfield circa Jesse's
Girl crossed with Richard Marx's red headed step-child alien
sister in-law.
Lip
Sync of the Night:
Hilary Duff performing a rocking rendition of So Yesterday
and another of her critically acclaimed songs. The performance
was good because she screwed up so many times but yet she
looked so damn good doing it. Hilary is great. On
the pre-show she was asked what she would be doing if she
wasn't an entertainer and with a straight face she said,
"A speech therapist". Now that was some
funny shit.
Waste
of Airtime & Electricity: Evanesence's
performance. This lead singer broad needs to take
some singing lessons and wipe that shit off her face. They
sang their second hit instead of the Daredevil soundtrack
ditty.
Best
Performance of the Night: As
much as I hate to say it, Pink was by far sounded the best.
While I don't like the fact that she is a wigger turned
singer, I can't deny the fact that she is talented and has
a great voice. I like how in this new song she slipped in
a line from her wigger years, "I'm trouble, I'm trouble
YO". She was definitely keeping it real that
night.
Lyric
of the Night:
From Andre 3000, "Shake it like a Polaroid picture".
Now that's some deep shit. I had to really think about this
lyric so I went out back and stared at the stars and thought
about how insignificant we really are. Then, it hit
me. He means that he wants you to shake your ass as
if you are fanning a Polaroid after it was taken to make
it develop quicker. Awesome.
The
I'm From Outer Space Moment: Macy Gray stops
in the middle of presenting an award and tells all the nominees
who don't win that they should act pissed because that's
how they really feel. She then explained that she
is pissed because she isn't nominated. Hey yo freak,
what in the hell would you be nominated for? How about
The "Macy Is A One Hit Wonder From Mars Lifetime Achievement
Award For Excellence In Absolutely Nothing"? 
Gayest
Moment of the Night: Clay Aiken & Ruben
share a heartwarming moment as they sing love songs to each
other. On a funny side note, Clay won an award (seriously),
and the bumbling country idiots of Alabama announced the
winner as Clay Atkins.
Most
Inebriated: Kid Rock.
All
in all it wasn't a bad show. But it was rather uneventful
and I often found myself switching back to the football
game. The best part of the show was the fact that
Jimmy Kimmel made me laugh out loud time after time with
his DeansPlanet-like celebrity put downs. Also, a lot of
winners were no-shows and the list of A-list people who
didn't attend overshadows the ones who did. People actually
started booing when someone wasn't there to pick up their
award. Not in attendance: 50 Cent, Christina Aguilera, Eminem,
Beyonce & Jay-Z Knowles, Ludacris, Coldplay, Limp Bizkit,
Shania Twain, P-Diddy, matchbox twenty, No Doubt, Alicia
Keys & Madonna, just to name a few. They may have missed
these big names, but having Uncle Kracker in the audience
& presenting definitely made up for it.
To sum things up, you didn't miss anything.
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