The borefest began with Jennifer Lopez and her big ugly hat. Despite having 2 or 3 huge Hollywood bombs under her belt, the crowd cheered uncontrollably. But these are the same people who later gave the same ovation to the Olsen Twins, so take that for what it's worth. Then the worst actor/rapper of all time came out with his loser Philadelphia Phillies gear on, Will Smith. He then introduced another loser and newest and biggest area resident Shaquille O'Neal. The people of Miami welcomed him even though the Detroit Pistons single handedly dismantled him and his team just a few short months ago. These two idiots then introduced the award for Best Pop Video that No Doubt surprisingly won. You see a pattern here? You think my review of the show is putting you to sleep, you should have seen the first hour of this award show. Sure, No Doubt has made some great music over the years but they are no longer new and exciting (maybe they never were). Their retirement announcement which coincided with their greatest hits compilation didn't really have an affect on anyone and seemed to come at just about the right time in their career.

Mindless wonder Hillary Duff, was next. She started talking while people were still cheering and making noises in the crowd. Who gave this idiot the bad cue? Her co-presenter was that dude in Scream. He made his way through the audience on a floatation device. Then when he made it to the stage, and all of the sudden this dude thought he was Jim Carrey. I don't remember him being this funny, or unfunny. Either way, who cares about this guy?

I do have to admit that I missed Eminem this year at the VMAs. Instead of hi jinx and and unpredictability, MTV planned a show which centered around this year's Presidential election. The culmination of which occurred during the last performance by Outkast where Choose or Lose banners littered the stage while the audience held delegate signs so well reminiscent of Presidential party conventions. And on a night where we are honoring essentially a waste product of music, the music video, it seems rather silly that they would tackle an issue of such importance.

Speaking of importance, I really had a hard time sifting through the current crop of nominees to find any important music. Certainly Jay-Z put out a quality CD this year and I'll give you Alicia Keys, she is very talented. But take them away and what do you have? Yellow Card probably has the single of the year with Ocean Avenue but they are destined to be a one hit wonder. Hoobastank had a huge hit and high school prom land with The Reason, but they blew it and lost any credibility with their horrible, off-key performance that night. How hard is it to sing the hard part in that song where he says "LEARNING"... HA HA then he bailed at the high part in the chorus, "and the reason is... come on Miami" HA HA, what a bunch of frauds. Hell, I can sing that song better with a 12 pack of Yeungling in me with a karaoke bar as my audience. Jet is just another band that wont be around a year from now. Are there any other real artists out there?

The "vote or die" and "choose or lose" messages that were pounded into the viewing audience continued relentlessly. Just the people we want deciding on the next President, the current MTV generation. The Kerry daughters, who were live on stage in Miami were booed by the audience. They fumbled their lines and at the end, Alexandra (the tall awkward brunette) knocked into the mic and threw it off, muting her last words. Vannessa commented, "And hopefully you will vote for our father", BOOOOOOO.. That was great. The people knew they were being preached to. All they came for the MUSIC and the celebs not the incoherent political ramblings of Hollyweird!!! The Bush twins, however, seemed much more confident and articulate in the way they conveyed their message. We also got a nice message from recently mo hawked Puff Daddy and Mase, two people who I'm sure REALLY care about who wins the election. P-Diddy wants you to vote, so you better do it. Whoever wins, the champagne will still flow never ending into his glass...

OK so it wasn't all bad.

• I got to see my mistress Jessica Simpson and her funny singing faces. I didn't get to see her arrive live, but she looked good. Unfortunately, she changed into a very conservative outfit for her performance.
• Jon Stewart who hosted the Viewer's Choice introductions and updates reminded me of why I never watch The Daily Show.
• Bruce Willis "leaning back" with Puff Daddy was one of the funniest things I have ever seen. I love to see bald middle aged men trying to act "hip". But even though he made a fool of himself, he does seem like a really cool, down to earth guy.
• I enjoyed the second half of Kayne West's performance of Through The Wire, one of the top 5 hip hop songs of the year.
• I found out that Video Games actually have a "soundtrack" and now there is an award reserved for the best one.
• Beyonce looked as beautiful as ever even though she copied the cowardly lion's hairstyle after his makeover in the Emerald city.
• It was fun when they showed a close-up of Jay-Z. That gave me the opportunity to ponder about what Beyonce sees in him. That question is still unanswered.

The good news is, if you missed the show live, I think you will be able to catch it one of the 1,000 times it will be played during the upcoming week. Oh, and if you really care, you can see the complete list of losers here.