Dick Clark is rolling over in his grave... Well maybe not now but someday soon he will. The annual joke of an award show was on TV last night and this year's installment of the American Music Awards truly showed the world the sad state of music in the year 2006.

The Host
When I'm surfing the channels late night I do everything I can to avoid The Jimmy Kimmell Show, but on this night, I got stuck with listening to this goofball and his lame jokes. To continue with the bad jokes, I noticed that he was able to slip an an award presentation gig to his hairy girlfriend Sarah Silverman. That was pretty sneaky Jimmy. Strike one against the AMA's.

The Performances
Wow, what an incredibly awful crop.

• Mary J. Blige sounded like Whitney Houston did when she was in her crack smoking prime. And I recommend that she cover up more. There is no need for me to see her 24 inch pythons so soon after dinner.
• The Dixie Chicks whined again waaaaaah, this time in the form of a song about their plight following their criticism of Bush, but they only managed to bring the show to a screeching halt.
• Fall Out Boy killed alt rock tonight. Instead of getting up there and singing their big time hit from the past year, 'Sugar We're Goin' Down", they decided to get on stage and make fools out of themselves. The mic volume was too low, making the guitars sound too loud and noisy. I don't even know the name of the song and I couldn't make out any words.
• Snoop Dog & Akon came on stage, once again showing that rap is the lowest form of music by throwing dollar bills around while whores did acrobatics on stripper poles. Hey little boys and girls, life is all about money and bitches, take notes from hip-hoppers and you will go far in life. And what's with Snoop's pig tails? Enough already with that shit. Why would a grown man fix up his hair to look like a 5 year old girl?
• Rascal Flatts, who are basciclly country music's version of Clay Aiken, sang their version of the 80's classic, "Life Is A Highway". This is country music? Johhny Cash is pissed!
• Jamie Fox, the least talented person ever to receive an AMA, sat at a piano and "ACTED" like a singer.
• Lionel Ritchie, once an AMA staple, performed a 20 year old song, "All Night Long". The entire audience stood up and danced and some even attempted to sing along but I saw a lot of then getting the words wrong. Who can blame them, that was 20 years ago...
• Continuing with the senior citizen theme, Barry Manilow put millions of people & the thousands in attendence to sleep with his performance. He may have had a number one album this year, but this guy's music belongs exclusively in elevators.
• Beyonce & Jay Z both did their thing, did anyone care?

There were 18 performaces in all, most blew, but there were a few bright spots in this sea of crap.

• Carrie Underwood... Her song sucks but at least there was nice eye candy on stage.
• John Mayer, mildly entertained me with 'Waiting For The World To Change'.
• Tenacious D managed to make me laugh, but left me wondering what they were doing at the AMAs?

The Award Winners
Do the AMA's actually mean anything anymore?

• Sean Paul beat crybaby Kanye West for Favorite Male Artist. HAHAH, Kanye is OVER-RATED!!! Kayne also lost to Eminem in the Fav Rap/Hip Hop Artist.
• Mariah Carey hot shut out again. Kelly Clarkson beat her in the Fav Female Artist catagory & the tranny Mary J. Blige edged her out for Fav Soul/R&B Female Artist. In Mariah's defense, she is much more talented of a singer than both and she writes her own songs. And not only that, Clarkson & Blige sound awful live.
• And rock music is truly dead. The Red Hot Chili Peppers won in the Alternative Music catagory, beating out Peal Jam & NIckelback. Damn, what has happened to my modern rock?

I used to love and look forward to award shows. I think that the 2006 AMAs are another example of how award shows will one day become extinct due o idiots saturating the genre. There are too many of them damnit. And come on people, Jamie Fox is an AMA winner!!