I have been a fan of David Letterman for as long as I can remember. Summer nights as a kid would be consumed by the old Late Night with David Letterman show on NBC. I may have been the only 10 year old in the world who knew the true identity of Larry 'Bud' Melman is Calvert Deforest.

Letterman was edgy back in the day in a time where the only other alternatives in talk show land were Johnny Carson and Arsenio Hall. At the time, Carson seemed to be for the older generation and I couldn't stand the Arsenio 'dogpound' hoo hoo's and his far too gummy smile grossed me out.

It was African hot in NYC as I stepped out of the train and into the underbelly of Grand Central Station. There is nothing quite like the Big Apple in the Summertime. I saw enough boobies to satisfy me for a lifetime. Big ones, small ones, braless, saggy, firm, pushed up, round, malformed, symmetrical.. you get the idea.

The instructions given by the show were to meet at the Ed Sulivan Theater at 2:00PM. I got there around that time and lined up with the rest of the freaks, most of which didn't respect the concept of personal space. After a long wait, the interns take you inside the theater into the lobby area where they make you get in line again but this time they wanted you to be "single file, side by side with your neighbor". I mentioned to one decent looking intern that the blue shirt I was wearing was purchased specificlly for the show that day. She said it looked great and that it accented my 'pretty blue eyes'. Hubba hubba! The theater was a bit chilly but it was welcomed and if the icesicles hanging from my ball sack were any indication, the further you made it into the building, the colder it got. While we waited, one of the more flamboyant interns barked some specific instructions which included a very surprising one, no WHOOOs. Apparently this high pitch noise messes with the mics which are hanging above the audience. At the end of this line you received a ticket with a hand written number on it. I was #28 and for some reason I felt really good about that because that is out of 500 peeps. After getting the ticket they asked me to return to the theater at 3:30PM for the show taping. For the duration of the hour between this visit and 3:30, I imagined sitting in the audience and the camera suddenly pointing at me with Dave joking about how I bought my shirt for for the sole purpose of my show attendance.

4 beers later it was time to go back. There I was met with more waiting in line. The fluffers, intent on getting people in the right state of mind for the show, asked that you clap along to some songs that were being played. As I approached the door to the actual theater seating, I clapped my ass off, knowing that they would only want only those who were excited and happy to be there in the lower level of seating. And then while people were shuffled up to the balcony, my clapping and enthusiasm got me into the lower level! And not only that, I was on the aisle in the third row!

They then showed some older clips, some comedian told some jokes to warm us up and the CBS orchestra jammed through some good tunes like Green Day's 'Basket Case' and Audioslave's 'Cochise'. Then is was time for the man, yes I said the man, David Letterman to come out and say hello. He managed to hang out and talk to the audience for 4 minutes. That was nice of him to take time out of his busy day to do that.

Then it was show time. This column is running kind of long so here are some quick thoughts:

• Paul Shaffer doesn't really do much. He didn't say anything and I think the band would function well enough without him.
• The one guitarist is an African-American woman who was pretty good but she had long dreads that sometimes made their way into the string area. I wondered how that didn't affect her playing.
• I didn't realize that the taping actually took an hour. I thought they added the commercials later.
• John Cusack is a boring guy with boring stories but I still like him and he looks younger in person than he does in some of his recent flicks. I think Dave was bored with him as well.
• The musical guests, The All American Rejects were just that. Their 'hit' song "Dirty Little Secret" sounds just like every pop-punk song in the past 5 years. I liked it better when it was called "Flavor Of The Weak". Don't get me wrong, the band sounded great but the lead singer needs to lose his post-grunge Gavin Rossdale, inspired by mid-90's Eddie Vedder mop. This is punk rock right? Where have all the mohawks gone?
• When I first saw Biff Henderson I got really excited! Then I realized, wait this is only Biff Henderson.
• Bassist Will Lee is a strange character and very entertaining to watch. He threw picks into the crowd and had the most energy out of the entire band. And as I left, I gave him a thumbs up which he reciprocated.

Well that's about it folks. If you have never been to a show taping it's quite an experience. Now if I can only get tickets to see Conan or SNL...

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